I was a little too smug.

On Sunday, I weighed my suitcase. I was at 35 pounds, and feeling great. All I had to add was my remaining clothes (a few shirts, underwear, few pairs of socks, a nice cardigan sweater)and my tolietries. So I did that and re-weighed my suitcase. 50 LBS!!! How did that happen?!

OK, some confessions. I refuse to bring less than one pair of panties per day. REFUSE! I know there are laundry services, etc., but there are somethings you just don't want to mess around with. Also, I am not a woman with a fancy hairdo (no hair dryers, curling irons, straightening irons, brushes, etc.), but I am a woman who is obsessive about skin care. I'll attribute that to a.) being quite fair and b.) being allergic to a lot of products. So I am pretty fussy about facial cleansers, facial moisturizers, etc.

I am pretty sure the tolietries are my downfall. SK and I agreed that we wanted our suitcases to weigh 40 pounds when we left in case our scale differs from the airport scales. We don't want to be the ones in the group that force all of us to pay an overweight baggage charge.

Out went the inflatable tub (as my friend Cheryl predicted), the nice but heavy cardigan, one travel size bottle of Listerine, a travel size bottle of facial toner, and a fourth pair of pants. I am down to 44 pounds, but do want to get to 40 pounds.

I'll be the woman in China with the bad skin that's wearing either a hoodie or a nylon pullover jacket when I am cold, even if it's a dressy occassion. But then again, this trip is not about me.

One week.

One week from today, we will have our daughter in our arms. This is actually going to happen!

I wish I had something coherent to say. SK and I are both in our offices this morning...SK won't be back in his for a month, and I won't be back in mine until November, when I do internship candidate interviews for the spring semester internship program. Wow.

I drove to work today with a car seat in my car. How wild is that?
(Note to Subaru Forester owners...having a Britax Decathalon installed rear-facing in your back seat is not an easy feat.)

We are mostly packed. All my clothes are going to have to be placed in a thin layer on the top of all the baby supplies, medicines, and clothes. I will not be looking good on this trip. When I place my carry-on backpack on my back, I am probably going to topple over.

Isabella's clothes, bedding, and curtains are all freshly washed with Dreft. My dear friend Carla put up the room-darkening shades in the baby's room yesterday. She also ironed the baby's curtains and crib dust ruffle, and I caught her ironing a onesie. Crazy lady.

I may not get a chance to post before we depart on Thursday...Boston to Chicago, where we will meet up with my favorite brother-in-law, the Toddfather (otherwise known as the Pack Mule), and then Chicago to Beijing. This is actually going to happen. I've decided to try and keep the blog going during the trip. Mostly because I've been too lazy to set up the by-invitation-only one. I'll set that up when we return. We will finally stop being a waiting family, and just become a family. Wow.

I want to thank everyone who has been following us as we realize our dream of becoming parents. I've enjoyed your comments tremendously. We've also met some amazing people through this blog (particularly the Sparky, Anne, Kikalee and Deb families). Along with becoming a family with the addition of our daughter, we have also become part of an extended circle of family and friends.

I feel very blessed right now.

They have no idea how much their little doggie worlds are about to change...

We have TA!!!

Bella Baby, here we come!

When "Thank You" just doesn't cut it.

On Sunday my friend Carla threw us an amazing baby shower, with lots of help from Cheryl and LaSalette. I can't even describe it. I was blown away, as was SK. Isabella received a ton of gifts!

-More clothes than she can ever wear (in addition to all the clothes I've already received from Cheryl and LaSalette)? Check.
-Baby Monitor? Check.
-Frog Pod for Bath? Check.
-Tub Seat for storage and giving baby a bath? Check.
-Floppy seat for grocery and shopping cart? Check.
-Books for baby and parents? Check.
-Music for baby? Check.
-Loads of fun toys? Check.
-Baby OTC Medicines? Check.
-Frames for photographs of baby? Check.
-Blankets galore, including some gorgeous handmade ones? Check.
-Baby food? Check.
-Baby Healthcare Kit? Check.

And there is more. LaSalette made a ton of food for this event, and created an amazing diaper cake, off which dangled portable toliet paper, hand santizer, baby shoes, a bottle stuffed with socks, and an outfit. Gifts gave from afar...Karen of GwenBlog sent us an extremely generous gift certificate from One Step Ahead, so I've knocked off all the baby proofing needs with that (Cheryl, ever the prepared one, will be glad to hear that). My wonderful in-laws have provided Isabella's ride. Did I mention we were blown away?

There were some very special guests...Grace, Mya, Lea, Siya, and Emma. They were great helpers, eager to aid in the gift opening. A big thanks to Cheryl, Carla, and LaSalette for making this one of the most kid-friendly showers I've ever been to.

Things have been rough this summer for SK and me, but once again, we were reminded of the gifts of these beautiful children, and how amazingly generous and loving our friends are. We are so lucky to have you in our lives, and we are thrilled our daughter will grow up with these girls (both the "little", under age 10 girls, and the "big", over age 10, girls. Not to mention the cute dads.)

"Thank You" hardly seems enough.

And now a few pictures (adorable kids not included out of respect for family privacy):

Arriving at Carla's (I like this picture because even though SK has his eyes closed, I am impressed that I actually have my hair parted. This is no small miracle. Yep, it's all about me):

A picnic photo shoot.

Tuesday of late week was our friend Carla's birthday. To celebrate, we went for a picnic this Sunday. SK made all the food. We asked Carla to take some pictures of SK and me for the care package (I am a big fan of outdoor photos). We are using the following 4 photos in our care package.









The last one is of my BIL Todd, and it's older (2003-NYC), but he wanted me to use this one. We cropped it out from this photo of Todd and me on top of the Empire State Building...my hair was whipping around making me look like a crazy woman.



See? I kid you not.


This last picture is a picture of Carla, with our dog Indie. Carla declined to have her picture taken with Darth Buca. Shocking.

35 years old and a MOM.

Today is my 35th birthday. I don't have to tell you that I have already received my birthday present.

Last night we went with friends Catherine and Willie, and some of their family, to see this. So nice to have a night out away from my VDS at home. Right now SK and I have been focused on resolving the VDS in the next 10 days or so, in order to have our home to ourselves to rest and get ready for Baby Isabella.

Tonight, thanks to my MIL & FIL, who have already sent me a wonderful birthday card and generous gift, SK and I are going out for dinner alone. Lovely! Tomorrow we plan to take advantage of a tax-free weekend in MA and buy either an all-terrain stroller (I want to take some long walks with Isabella this fall in the Blue Hills and in other serene places)or some car seats.

There is a good chance Tim's brother Todd, Isabella's "Todd-father", is going to be able to join us for our first week in China. Can you say "pack mule"?

I have to tell you that 35 feels pretty amazing when you are looking at your baby girl's sweet face a few hundred times a day.

And now the important question: Clothes.

Due to kindness of our friends, this kid already has more clothes than SK and me combined. I am serious.

I put all the size 2 and size 3 shoes we have received in the top drawer of her dresser. When I showed SK, his exact words were "Fricken' women". Yep, we girls like our shoes.

Isabella is currently 26.4" long and weighs 15.43 pounds. Cheryl thinks she'll be mainly in 3-6 month year old clothes. I am trying to figure out what combination of 3-6 month and 6-9 month year old clothes to take. Mostly 3-6 month and just a few 6-9 month? How many pairs of shoes did you all bring? Help!!!

I am trying very hard not to engage in any clothes or toy buying right now. I've been busy preparing the care package: we have a blanket, toy key chain, a book with rattler and teether, a small stuffed butterfly, and the photo album (which I am finishing up and labeling). We also have some hand lotion for the nannies, a disposable camera, and a list of questions, of course!

In other news, our agency suggests we may travel on 9/13 rather than 9/20. I say "Let's go!"

Gifts from the baby fairies.

And this was just the first batch, and just the clothes! Another batch has since arrived!!!

Here we go.

OK, so the madness has officially hit. I had decided that the referral was coming the week of August 6th, so last week I was pretty calm. Then there were rumors that referrals may have been mailed on Thursday or Friday, and I realized IF that were true, then we might get our referral this week...even early this week. So, on Saturday, I officially began getting nutty, randomly shouting out "We're going to have a baby!" to SK. I started developing all kinds of contingency plans for this week, since I actually have two social events, in addition to dog training class.
Me planning to go out three weekday nights in a row, in addition to any gym activity. Truly amazing.

Today I had an appointment with a medical professional for my VDS family member. This involved a hour drive each way, and some pit stops for errands, bathroom breaks, etc. I carried my cell phone, notebook and pen everywhere.

Now it seems that the packages may not contain referrals, so I guess I should probably repress some of my nuttiness. I guess this is all part of the journey!

This weekend SK and I got a lot accomplished. Finally, we took in our much neglected bikes for a tune-up. Because we'll have so much time to ride them once Bella gets here. On Saturday, Carla came for dinner and bought more baby clothes and medications from the baby fairies Cheryl & Bruce, and John & LaSalette. There's a red and black dress that has me particularly bowled over, and I haven't even looked at most of the goodies yet. Also, the paint scraping agony continued. Ugh.

Bring on the babies!

P.S. Darin, I'd love to touch base with you! PM me at crazyredheadedwoman@gmail.com if you can; I couldn't find your blog or email.

So, what's on your mind these days?

I am thinking that within the next 14 days, we will receive our referral. Wow. Part of me believes that this is in fact, true, and part of me thinks some unforseen obstacle will arise. I am emailing our agency today to make sure all our phone numbers are up to date, and to ask them to call our cell phones first.

I have to admit that I am going to be bummed if SK gets the call before me.

I've been enjoying all your guesses as to age. I hope that Cheryl is right in her prediction that Isabella has some hair that sticks up. Our friend's daughter, Emma, had a bit of a punk rock 'do going on in her referral picture and I always thought that was the coolest thing.

Right now, we refer to Isabella lovingly as "Kung Fu Diva", because I'd rather be a martial arts mom than a soccer mom. And I want her to always be able to hold her ground (except with me, of course! OK, even with me, although I may not appreciate it at the time). So, a little spiky 'do seems just about right. Of course, this comes from a woman whose favorite comment on her teaching evaluations from last semester was "Murphy does not suffer fools gladly".

Speaking of martial arts, SK began his karate class on Monday. I must admit he looks very handsome in his gi. Oh yeah. His dojo starts lessons for children at age 3, so I am hoping she's into it. Either that, or fencing. The only must I have is that she learns to swim. Still, it would be nice if she turns out to be a combat or weapons girl. I dare to dream.

I have to hand it to SK. We've been dealing with a Very Difficult Situation (VDS) at home involving another family member. I won't go into details because it's not my story to tell, but it is a member of my family that's involved. And the VDS has basically washed away our summer because we can't have other visitors or even get-togethers at our house. We had to forgo a vist with our friend from DC, Marvin, who is the greatest visitor because his primary activity is telling SK how he is only visiting to see me and how he loves me very much. A girl can use a friend like that.

The VDS consumes a lot of my energy. Part of me resents this because these final weeks of waiting should be a time of joy for SK and me, and our impending referral is not on the family member's radar. SK has done much better with this than I would if I were in his shoes. Because of this, I've been able to hold up and try to get the VDS resolved (at least in terms of it being on our home) before we go to China.
And SK gets that even though a lot of my efforts in the VDS area are fruitless, I am doing what I need to do to be OK with me, to know that I gave it my best shot. And that's a lot to get when the VDS consumes a lot of your food and your wife's attention. In this pre-referral time, SK should get the best of me. But he doesn't. Not by a long shot.

SK and I, along with Carla, did have the pleasure of watching Cheryl and Bruce's Mya the other evening. Mya is eighteen months worth of ENERGY! It was a lot of fun...Mya loves starring in her own show. After arriving home well in time to do the bedtime routine with Mya, C&B gave us some very helpful travel tips. They also gave us A TON of clothes, from both their Mya and John & LaSalette's Emma. Unbelievable. Between these bags of clothes (all wonderfully organized by size and season, of course. Where do these people come from?), all the clothes friends and family have already given us,and the few outfits I bought eons ago, I don't think I'll need to buy any clothes for this girl. We also scored a Baby B'Air, a jumperoo, a walker, and a bottle warmer from the C&B/L&J godsends!

Wow, long post. Then again, long wait.

Cautious.

After all this waiting, you would think I would be frantically checking the Rumour Queen all day. But I am not there yet. I think, after all this waiting, I don't quite believe we are going to actually get a referral in this next batch, even though we have every reason to be optimistic. SK and I have talked about this; for some reason we both feel like we might get the rug pulled out from under us at the last minute. It's almost like we are afraid to get too excited...SK keeps saying "I'll believe it when I see it". My heart is so fragile that I think I've bubble-wrapped it.

I can't believe that in four weeks or less, we may be handed a picture of a child that is OUR DAUGHTER. I am dying to see her face. I know in that moment, everything will change. But I am still afraid that moment will never happen.

Nonetheless, we are preparing. Not in a Cheryl and Bruce kind of way, but in a Tim and Tammy kind of way, which means tiny little bits of preparation here and there.
I have purchased the rubber pants, which everyone advises in case of "blow outs" on the flight home. Ugh. I am cringing at the thought. I've asked my friends Sparky and Anne for copies of their packing lists, which they have graciously given me. I made a spreadsheet for our own packing list and have been adding items here and there. I am re-reading our agency's referral and travel packet.

SK starts a karate class tonight. Ha! I predict he either gets carried out of the dojo on a stretcher or is unable to get out of bed tomorrow morning. For some reason, he won't allow me to go watch his class.

The great paint scraping project continues, with several hours logged yesterday.
Ugh, ugh, UGH. I keep telling myself it will look so much better when it is all done. Yeah, right.

Scraping by in July.

Lots of random little bits today.

I want to let readers of my personal blog on Typepad, "Finding Family",know that I have cancelled my Typepad account and deleted the blog. Right now, I am blogging just here, and eventually will switch to another blog on blogger after referral that will be by invite only. Again, if you would like to be invited, please email us at tammytimisabella@yahoo.com. I have been saving all the requests.

The cancellation of the Typepad account was prompted by a big financial summit SchnauzerKing and I had this weekend. Things have been rough, and I don't mean rough in a "we won't be able to take a Caribbean cruise this year" sort of way. I mean rough in a seriously "Yikes" kind of way, largely because we spent about 50% of our take home pay on our mortgage. This is not uncommon in expensive metro areas, but it certainly makes life less carefree. In addition, as many of my close friends know, my brother has been staying with us since the beginning of June, and so that entails some extra expense. One bad thing about growing up poor is that I tend not to panic until true disaster strikes. "Financial problems" to me means public housing, food stamps, and being eligible for free school lunch. Right now, I feel lucky to have the house we have, which we love despite its challenges. I feel lucky to have a decent job and a reliable car, and to be able to eat fresh produce. So disaster has not yet struck by any means, and because of that I have been living in a bit of denial, me thinks. With the upcoming adoption trip and the added expense of raising a daughter, big time financial problems could arise if we don't have our finances under control, and we simply cannot let that happen. SK and I spent a lot of time talking about "nice to haves" vs. "necessities". And so, no more $8.95/month for Typepad.

This weekend we also decided to undertake an item on our home repair "to do" list. We painted Isabella's room a light yellow (Straw by Benjamin Moore)eons ago, and the room has warm white trim called "Swiss Coffee" (also Benjamin Moore). We are happy with this combination. The problem is because we did not scrape before we painted the trim, the paint began to peel around the door frame to her room. Just a few spots, but things have not gotten so bad that we want our daughter to start eating paint flakes. So we decided to scrape all the door frames, and some of the doors, on the second floor as close down to the bare wood as possible. We also decided to repaint the walls in the second floor hallway, getting rid of the dull light blue/gray color that is there, using a color called "French Lilac" (also Benjamin Moore). I think this will all look terrific once it is done. The bad news is that I did not realize how much work and mess all this scraping would entail. Because I have asthma, I have to wear a mask while doing it, which gets pretty damn hot. Paint chips and dust everywhere. Thank God for the shop vac. And we are nowhere near done. I also discovered that if I scrape paint for 4 or 5 hours straight, I will barely be able to lift my arms the next day (translation: I am very out of shape). It's all very depressing.

On the up side, in four or five weeks, I expect we will see our daughter's photographs, know how old she is, know where she is living. And that is everything. The only thing I've ever been completely sure of in life is that I wanted to be a mother. I am going to be a mother. How fortunate am I?

The diaper question.

So, sitting on this side of parenthood, I can think about how I would like to do things (rather than what I will need to do to survive). And right now, I intend to use some form of cloth diaper once we return from China. Yes, I may be insane. But the idea of all those disposbales ending up in a landfill just does not sit well with me. I am doing some research here, and leaning towards a pocket diaper system. Anyone have any experience with the cloth scene?

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

As you know if you've been reading this blog, SchnauzerKing and I are not far away from receiving a referral for our first child, to be called Isabella.

We do not expect to receive a referral in early June...we are thinking early July. Nonetheless, I think we've both begun to think about having a daughter and protecting that daughter in a more concrete way. Therefore, we will no longer have a public blog once our adoption is complete. I haven't decided if the MAA will end with our referral or with our trip to China, but it will be ending in the next few months. Our life will be about raising our daughter and that will be the real adventure.

I will be starting a new blog over on Typepad (this will be a separate blog from my personal, pwp "Finding Family" blog on Typepad). The new blog will be password protected and devoted completely to Bella. So there won't be any rants about my career, chatter about what I am reading, gushing about dogs or any of that. I'll keep all that stuff on "Finding Family" and the new blog will be all about our girl.

I have mixed feelings about this, because I feel like I know some of you that I have never met. But the reality is that I don't. And site meters can only tell me so much about who's reading the MAA. I am not willing to take unnecessary chances. And I don't think it's fair to expose my daughter to whomever has Internet access.

We have set up an email address to handle the conversion. If you want the URL and password for the new blog, send an email to tammytimisabella@yahoo.com. When the new blog is up and running (either post-referral or post-China), I'll be sending out the information to the people we choose to share the new blog with (this information will be sent sometime between July and September). If I don't respond positively to your request, please don't take it personally. We are simply trying to walk the line between staying in touch with family and friends, and keeping our daughter's life reasonably safe and private. I'll have another post closer to shutdown time reminding people of the email address. In the meantime, this blog will go on, at a minimum, until we receive our referral, and at a maximum, until we return home from China.

Pics from the baby care class.

The crib assembly.

Tim started opening the crib box at least...


John does not look too confident in Tim...




Could Bruce and John F. be laughing at Tim?


Victory at last...good thing the guys made Tim undo that one screw he screwed in.


Now we need the baby...


Expectant Parents.