One week.

One week from today, we will have our daughter in our arms. This is actually going to happen!

I wish I had something coherent to say. SK and I are both in our offices this morning...SK won't be back in his for a month, and I won't be back in mine until November, when I do internship candidate interviews for the spring semester internship program. Wow.

I drove to work today with a car seat in my car. How wild is that?
(Note to Subaru Forester owners...having a Britax Decathalon installed rear-facing in your back seat is not an easy feat.)

We are mostly packed. All my clothes are going to have to be placed in a thin layer on the top of all the baby supplies, medicines, and clothes. I will not be looking good on this trip. When I place my carry-on backpack on my back, I am probably going to topple over.

Isabella's clothes, bedding, and curtains are all freshly washed with Dreft. My dear friend Carla put up the room-darkening shades in the baby's room yesterday. She also ironed the baby's curtains and crib dust ruffle, and I caught her ironing a onesie. Crazy lady.

I may not get a chance to post before we depart on Thursday...Boston to Chicago, where we will meet up with my favorite brother-in-law, the Toddfather (otherwise known as the Pack Mule), and then Chicago to Beijing. This is actually going to happen. I've decided to try and keep the blog going during the trip. Mostly because I've been too lazy to set up the by-invitation-only one. I'll set that up when we return. We will finally stop being a waiting family, and just become a family. Wow.

I want to thank everyone who has been following us as we realize our dream of becoming parents. I've enjoyed your comments tremendously. We've also met some amazing people through this blog (particularly the Sparky, Anne, Kikalee and Deb families). Along with becoming a family with the addition of our daughter, we have also become part of an extended circle of family and friends.

I feel very blessed right now.

When "Thank You" just doesn't cut it.

On Sunday my friend Carla threw us an amazing baby shower, with lots of help from Cheryl and LaSalette. I can't even describe it. I was blown away, as was SK. Isabella received a ton of gifts!

-More clothes than she can ever wear (in addition to all the clothes I've already received from Cheryl and LaSalette)? Check.
-Baby Monitor? Check.
-Frog Pod for Bath? Check.
-Tub Seat for storage and giving baby a bath? Check.
-Floppy seat for grocery and shopping cart? Check.
-Books for baby and parents? Check.
-Music for baby? Check.
-Loads of fun toys? Check.
-Baby OTC Medicines? Check.
-Frames for photographs of baby? Check.
-Blankets galore, including some gorgeous handmade ones? Check.
-Baby food? Check.
-Baby Healthcare Kit? Check.

And there is more. LaSalette made a ton of food for this event, and created an amazing diaper cake, off which dangled portable toliet paper, hand santizer, baby shoes, a bottle stuffed with socks, and an outfit. Gifts gave from afar...Karen of GwenBlog sent us an extremely generous gift certificate from One Step Ahead, so I've knocked off all the baby proofing needs with that (Cheryl, ever the prepared one, will be glad to hear that). My wonderful in-laws have provided Isabella's ride. Did I mention we were blown away?

There were some very special guests...Grace, Mya, Lea, Siya, and Emma. They were great helpers, eager to aid in the gift opening. A big thanks to Cheryl, Carla, and LaSalette for making this one of the most kid-friendly showers I've ever been to.

Things have been rough this summer for SK and me, but once again, we were reminded of the gifts of these beautiful children, and how amazingly generous and loving our friends are. We are so lucky to have you in our lives, and we are thrilled our daughter will grow up with these girls (both the "little", under age 10 girls, and the "big", over age 10, girls. Not to mention the cute dads.)

"Thank You" hardly seems enough.

And now a few pictures (adorable kids not included out of respect for family privacy):

Arriving at Carla's (I like this picture because even though SK has his eyes closed, I am impressed that I actually have my hair parted. This is no small miracle. Yep, it's all about me):

A picnic photo shoot.

Tuesday of late week was our friend Carla's birthday. To celebrate, we went for a picnic this Sunday. SK made all the food. We asked Carla to take some pictures of SK and me for the care package (I am a big fan of outdoor photos). We are using the following 4 photos in our care package.









The last one is of my BIL Todd, and it's older (2003-NYC), but he wanted me to use this one. We cropped it out from this photo of Todd and me on top of the Empire State Building...my hair was whipping around making me look like a crazy woman.



See? I kid you not.


This last picture is a picture of Carla, with our dog Indie. Carla declined to have her picture taken with Darth Buca. Shocking.

A big, wonderful box from EmmaLi!

On Monday, Isabella received an amazing box of gifts from her pal EmmaLi in Illinois.
EmmaLi is the beautiful daughter of Dawn, who I got to know virtually early in our adoption processes. Dawn has been rooting for our referral almost as much as we have!

So, the box. First of all, it was beautifully decorated with captions like "It's A Girl!". Then, Dawn had included some photos she made using digital scrapbooking...really lovely. We were particularly smitten with a black and white photo of Isabella that was "matted" with a purple frame. And there was also a layout of EmmaLi, carying around a picture of Bella. EmmaLi has grown so much. I am really hoping to get the girls together in the next year somehow. In the box, there was a Little Touch Leap Pad, with two story books! SK and I both played with it (picture SK with a pink Little Touch Leap Pad on his lap). There were two great outfits, including a bib that says "Daddy's Little Sweetheart", which SK has decided MUST go to China. There were chewable baby keys, Cheerios, and fruit puffs. Such generosity!

A big thanks to Dawn, EmmaLi and the whole family!!!

My special necklaces.

I have two special necklaces. One is the "Mother and Daughter" necklace from Red Envelope that Carla gave to me long ago. The other is a necklace that says "Mother" in Chinese characters...Cheryl and Bruce brought me this necklace from China in December, when they brought their daughter Mya home.

I was waiting until referral day to wear either necklace. Last night Carla came over to celebrate, so I asked her to place my special gift on me. This was a great moment.

Maybe this is the last Tuesday before I become a mom.

I hope so. Those referrals better hurry up and get here. I am not sure I can last another week. Well, yeah, I could. I have to. But I don't wanna!

I am very mature.

I wanted to respond to a few of the comments. Yes, the baby fairies are wonderful. With all the help we've gotten from Carla, Cheryl & Bruce, LaSalette & John, and my MIW/RLM posse (Sparky & Bob, Anne & Marty, Lisa & Rich), we sort of feel like we have our own personal adoption trip & baby preparation team. Seriously. Items borrowed to date, in addition to the clothes and shoes: Baby B'Air, Hip Hammock, Inflatable Tub, Passport and ID holders, Jumperoo, Walker, Bottle Warmer, Backback on wheels (to be used as a carry on and diaper back). And I am sure I am forgetting something. It's AMAZING. People are so excited for us, which is especially touching when many of them have recently arrived home with their own beautiful children. Our friends rock. Period.

Regarding the giraffe decorative pillow and the letters pictured below: Those of you that know me in real life know that I don't MAKE anything. I am hopelessly non-crafty. SK & I are the first ones to admit that we have no real skills.

The pillow I got at Babies R' Us, and I think I bought that well over a year ago when we were shopping for a shower gift for LaSalette and John. It goes with the "theme" of Isabella's nursery, which is the discontinued John Lennon "Real Love" collection from Carters...it has all kinds of whimsical looking animals like giraffes, elephants, rhinos, etc. The letters that spell out Bella's name I bought from Ebay. They are actually made of the same material that the JL Real Love Collection is made from (click on the picture with the letters to get an enlarged view). You can order the letters in a variety of fabrics from this lady. I was very pleased with them overall, although I wish the "B" looked a little better. The seller is easy to deal with, and she had them done very quickly. They are a nice alternative to the very common wooden letters, but I must warn you that they take up a lot more wall space. It's a good thing I cheaped out and didn't order the "I", "S", and "A"!

Ok, back to pretending to be productive at work.

Gifts from the baby fairies.

And this was just the first batch, and just the clothes! Another batch has since arrived!!!

So, what's on your mind these days?

I am thinking that within the next 14 days, we will receive our referral. Wow. Part of me believes that this is in fact, true, and part of me thinks some unforseen obstacle will arise. I am emailing our agency today to make sure all our phone numbers are up to date, and to ask them to call our cell phones first.

I have to admit that I am going to be bummed if SK gets the call before me.

I've been enjoying all your guesses as to age. I hope that Cheryl is right in her prediction that Isabella has some hair that sticks up. Our friend's daughter, Emma, had a bit of a punk rock 'do going on in her referral picture and I always thought that was the coolest thing.

Right now, we refer to Isabella lovingly as "Kung Fu Diva", because I'd rather be a martial arts mom than a soccer mom. And I want her to always be able to hold her ground (except with me, of course! OK, even with me, although I may not appreciate it at the time). So, a little spiky 'do seems just about right. Of course, this comes from a woman whose favorite comment on her teaching evaluations from last semester was "Murphy does not suffer fools gladly".

Speaking of martial arts, SK began his karate class on Monday. I must admit he looks very handsome in his gi. Oh yeah. His dojo starts lessons for children at age 3, so I am hoping she's into it. Either that, or fencing. The only must I have is that she learns to swim. Still, it would be nice if she turns out to be a combat or weapons girl. I dare to dream.

I have to hand it to SK. We've been dealing with a Very Difficult Situation (VDS) at home involving another family member. I won't go into details because it's not my story to tell, but it is a member of my family that's involved. And the VDS has basically washed away our summer because we can't have other visitors or even get-togethers at our house. We had to forgo a vist with our friend from DC, Marvin, who is the greatest visitor because his primary activity is telling SK how he is only visiting to see me and how he loves me very much. A girl can use a friend like that.

The VDS consumes a lot of my energy. Part of me resents this because these final weeks of waiting should be a time of joy for SK and me, and our impending referral is not on the family member's radar. SK has done much better with this than I would if I were in his shoes. Because of this, I've been able to hold up and try to get the VDS resolved (at least in terms of it being on our home) before we go to China.
And SK gets that even though a lot of my efforts in the VDS area are fruitless, I am doing what I need to do to be OK with me, to know that I gave it my best shot. And that's a lot to get when the VDS consumes a lot of your food and your wife's attention. In this pre-referral time, SK should get the best of me. But he doesn't. Not by a long shot.

SK and I, along with Carla, did have the pleasure of watching Cheryl and Bruce's Mya the other evening. Mya is eighteen months worth of ENERGY! It was a lot of fun...Mya loves starring in her own show. After arriving home well in time to do the bedtime routine with Mya, C&B gave us some very helpful travel tips. They also gave us A TON of clothes, from both their Mya and John & LaSalette's Emma. Unbelievable. Between these bags of clothes (all wonderfully organized by size and season, of course. Where do these people come from?), all the clothes friends and family have already given us,and the few outfits I bought eons ago, I don't think I'll need to buy any clothes for this girl. We also scored a Baby B'Air, a jumperoo, a walker, and a bottle warmer from the C&B/L&J godsends!

Wow, long post. Then again, long wait.

More Father's Day Loot for Tim.

Here is Tim opening his gifts from Cheryl, Bruce, and Mya and then from Carla.

There are many ways to mother.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. A day for people who actually are mothers, right now.

Can I tell you about my friends? Cheryl became a mother to Mya this year. It was her first Mother's Day home with her beautiful little girl. Same goes for Sparky, who became a mother to Amazing Grace this year. Then there is Anne, who became a mom this year to Lea, and was celebrating her first Mother's Day. And there's LaSalette, who became Emma's mother in 2005. She and her family are currently waiting for a second daughter, Sophie. And last, but never least, there's Carla, whose path to motherhood has not yet revealed itself.

All of these people had their own joys to celebrate, or their own reasons Mother's Day could be a tough day. And yet.

And yet all of these people thought of me this week, and let me know it.

Cheryl, Bruce, and Mya gave us a beautiful card, and several gifts. Onesies, a formula storage/dispensing container, diaper wipes, infant Motrin drops. Unbelievable.

LaSalette, John, and Emma also gave us a lovely card, with a beautiful detachable bookmark, and a red onesie that says "My Heart Belongs to Mommy". Most of all, Emma sent kisses.

Carla gave us a stacker, with plastic rings and a rocker bottom...the classic toy. She also gave us two gorgeous picture frames, one that says "Family" and one with a family of ducks. A wonderful card for me. And a bag of Starburst for Tim, so that he wouldn't feel left out.

Sparky left me a sweet note on her blog. On a day she called "The Best Day Ever", she thought of me.

Anne sent me a very thoughful note earlier in the week, in the midst of enjoying Lea.

Wow. I am just blown away. Trust me, few things leave me speechless, but the kindness of my friends during this adoption journey has left me at a lost for words. I just don't know how to say "thank you" in a way that is meaningful enough.

It occurs to me that I am a pretty selfish person sometimes. When I've got a lot going on, either outwards or inwards, I tend to hunker down. I either complain endlessly (ask Tim), or I say nothing, and try to be strong. There's never a moderate reaction...it's always an extreme with me. At 34, I am still learning how to manage my feelings.

This time has been strange, because I am very happy for all my friends that have realized their dream of parenthood. And I love their children. I love my nieces Amber and Leah, and my nephew Ben. Truly. If Emma, Mya, Grace, Lea, Siya, Aman, Markus, Oscar, Abigail, or Amber, Leah, or Ben, were in trouble, and there was something, anything, I could do for them or their parents, I would do it in a heartbeat. It's that simple.

What's not simple is all these feelings around motherhood. Feelings about my own mother. Feelings of fear that I won't be a good mother, no matter how much I want to be. Feelings of fear that this has all been surreal...that it is not going to happen. That the universe is teasing me. And I know all of that is old news...people have heard all of this from me before. I know that there is no one to be mad at...it is no one's fault that we've been waiting for so long.

But yesterday I felt loved. And a bit mothered, as though my women friends were gripping my hand, and saying "I know. But it will be OK". As if somehow God had sent me these people that have cared for me, not only on Mother's Day, but for a long time, in many ways. There's that expression that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Yesterday, I believed that. So, to all the women that have cared for me as their friend (to Carla, Cheryl, LaSalette, Anne, Donna, Lisa, Betti, Daphne, to name a few), and to all of the women that have tried, in some way, to mother me a bit, even when I have been uncomfortable being mothered (to Carol, to Karen Murphy, to Mrs. Serpa), Happy Mother's Day. You're all teaching me, every day. Thank you.