The Toddfather says goodbye...for now.

Todd left Chongqing for Chicago today. It was hard to say goodbye. Here are some pictures of a very special person with his very special niece.











The lovely Chongqing lady in the picture above is one of our guides, Mei.

Todd, we love you!

One week.

One week from today, we will have our daughter in our arms. This is actually going to happen!

I wish I had something coherent to say. SK and I are both in our offices this morning...SK won't be back in his for a month, and I won't be back in mine until November, when I do internship candidate interviews for the spring semester internship program. Wow.

I drove to work today with a car seat in my car. How wild is that?
(Note to Subaru Forester owners...having a Britax Decathalon installed rear-facing in your back seat is not an easy feat.)

We are mostly packed. All my clothes are going to have to be placed in a thin layer on the top of all the baby supplies, medicines, and clothes. I will not be looking good on this trip. When I place my carry-on backpack on my back, I am probably going to topple over.

Isabella's clothes, bedding, and curtains are all freshly washed with Dreft. My dear friend Carla put up the room-darkening shades in the baby's room yesterday. She also ironed the baby's curtains and crib dust ruffle, and I caught her ironing a onesie. Crazy lady.

I may not get a chance to post before we depart on Thursday...Boston to Chicago, where we will meet up with my favorite brother-in-law, the Toddfather (otherwise known as the Pack Mule), and then Chicago to Beijing. This is actually going to happen. I've decided to try and keep the blog going during the trip. Mostly because I've been too lazy to set up the by-invitation-only one. I'll set that up when we return. We will finally stop being a waiting family, and just become a family. Wow.

I want to thank everyone who has been following us as we realize our dream of becoming parents. I've enjoyed your comments tremendously. We've also met some amazing people through this blog (particularly the Sparky, Anne, Kikalee and Deb families). Along with becoming a family with the addition of our daughter, we have also become part of an extended circle of family and friends.

I feel very blessed right now.

Taking her place on our mantle.

All our family photos on our fireplace mantle are in black and white. Here's the latest addition (we would have like to enlarged it more, but lost too much resolution). She's a great addition, is she not?

A picnic photo shoot.

Tuesday of late week was our friend Carla's birthday. To celebrate, we went for a picnic this Sunday. SK made all the food. We asked Carla to take some pictures of SK and me for the care package (I am a big fan of outdoor photos). We are using the following 4 photos in our care package.









The last one is of my BIL Todd, and it's older (2003-NYC), but he wanted me to use this one. We cropped it out from this photo of Todd and me on top of the Empire State Building...my hair was whipping around making me look like a crazy woman.



See? I kid you not.


This last picture is a picture of Carla, with our dog Indie. Carla declined to have her picture taken with Darth Buca. Shocking.

So, what's on your mind these days?

I am thinking that within the next 14 days, we will receive our referral. Wow. Part of me believes that this is in fact, true, and part of me thinks some unforseen obstacle will arise. I am emailing our agency today to make sure all our phone numbers are up to date, and to ask them to call our cell phones first.

I have to admit that I am going to be bummed if SK gets the call before me.

I've been enjoying all your guesses as to age. I hope that Cheryl is right in her prediction that Isabella has some hair that sticks up. Our friend's daughter, Emma, had a bit of a punk rock 'do going on in her referral picture and I always thought that was the coolest thing.

Right now, we refer to Isabella lovingly as "Kung Fu Diva", because I'd rather be a martial arts mom than a soccer mom. And I want her to always be able to hold her ground (except with me, of course! OK, even with me, although I may not appreciate it at the time). So, a little spiky 'do seems just about right. Of course, this comes from a woman whose favorite comment on her teaching evaluations from last semester was "Murphy does not suffer fools gladly".

Speaking of martial arts, SK began his karate class on Monday. I must admit he looks very handsome in his gi. Oh yeah. His dojo starts lessons for children at age 3, so I am hoping she's into it. Either that, or fencing. The only must I have is that she learns to swim. Still, it would be nice if she turns out to be a combat or weapons girl. I dare to dream.

I have to hand it to SK. We've been dealing with a Very Difficult Situation (VDS) at home involving another family member. I won't go into details because it's not my story to tell, but it is a member of my family that's involved. And the VDS has basically washed away our summer because we can't have other visitors or even get-togethers at our house. We had to forgo a vist with our friend from DC, Marvin, who is the greatest visitor because his primary activity is telling SK how he is only visiting to see me and how he loves me very much. A girl can use a friend like that.

The VDS consumes a lot of my energy. Part of me resents this because these final weeks of waiting should be a time of joy for SK and me, and our impending referral is not on the family member's radar. SK has done much better with this than I would if I were in his shoes. Because of this, I've been able to hold up and try to get the VDS resolved (at least in terms of it being on our home) before we go to China.
And SK gets that even though a lot of my efforts in the VDS area are fruitless, I am doing what I need to do to be OK with me, to know that I gave it my best shot. And that's a lot to get when the VDS consumes a lot of your food and your wife's attention. In this pre-referral time, SK should get the best of me. But he doesn't. Not by a long shot.

SK and I, along with Carla, did have the pleasure of watching Cheryl and Bruce's Mya the other evening. Mya is eighteen months worth of ENERGY! It was a lot of fun...Mya loves starring in her own show. After arriving home well in time to do the bedtime routine with Mya, C&B gave us some very helpful travel tips. They also gave us A TON of clothes, from both their Mya and John & LaSalette's Emma. Unbelievable. Between these bags of clothes (all wonderfully organized by size and season, of course. Where do these people come from?), all the clothes friends and family have already given us,and the few outfits I bought eons ago, I don't think I'll need to buy any clothes for this girl. We also scored a Baby B'Air, a jumperoo, a walker, and a bottle warmer from the C&B/L&J godsends!

Wow, long post. Then again, long wait.

A little Father's Day outing.

More Father's Day Loot for Tim.

Here is Tim opening his gifts from Cheryl, Bruce, and Mya and then from Carla.

Our new wall hanging.

This is one of Schnauzer King's Father's Day gifts. It is from the Love Without Boundaries Art Action.

Hanging with the 'rents.

Tim's parents, that is. Royal and Karen arrived on Wednesday from Minnesota last week and left this morning. It was a really nice visit. They got to see the house we bought for the first time (along with everything that needs to be done to it)and hang with their granddogs.

Wednesday we pretty much hung out...made dinner, and watched "Failure to Launch",which wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. It's cute and light. Kind of like Sarah Jessica Parker.

On Thursday, it took us a while to get going. One of the most striking differences between Tim's family and myself is that we operate at really different paces. I like to make a quick decision and get moving. Tim's family is happy to GRADUALLY make a decision and GRADUALLY get going. Also, they are not really big on taking the initiative for what they would like to do, whereas I would have already sent a list with at least 10 possibilities and the associated websites (as my brother-in-law knows). I think Tim's parents are trying to be nice, easy guests. Yet, I worry about doing things that they will enjoy. Also, a bit of New Englander pride comes out in me...I love NE, think Boston is a beautiful city, and so I want them to see all that. So, this can make things challenging. Yes, my in-laws read this blog...and I am not worried, because none of this will come as a surprise to them.

Last weekend asked them what they would like to do when they arrived and they gave us the usual response "Whatever you want to do", followed by "...Have a nice relaxing time". I know that this is my father-in-law's code for TV watching and card playing, so I scream into the phone handset, which is in Tim's hand,
"Tammy doesn't like to relax". That's not entirely true, but for the most part, relaxing for me means getting to go places and see things I don't normally have time for.

It's not easy for Royal to walk long distances, and he doesn't like musuems. They were not up for the beach. There were no movies out that they were interested in seeing. So, Thursday, at 11:15am I finally said "We are leaving in 15 minutes. I don't care where we go, but we are going SOMEWHERE". Tim's dad chose Foxwoods. So off to Foxwoods, where I try to kill time without spending any money. I really can't bear the thought of throwing away money, which is inevitable since I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS lose. And there is something about casinos that always strikes me as sad, although I know many would disagree and many people are able to visit for occasional entertainment and then walk away. I played about $5.00 on a slot machine called "Texas Tina" in honor of my sister-in-law Tina, but "Texas Tina" did me bad. I also played the "Kenny Rogers Gambler" slot and when I left, Kenny's voice says "Thanks for playing". He really should say "Thanks for paying, sucker". As usual, Tim's mom won some money, and so she treated us to lunch. I wish I knew her secret...I've been to a casino maybe 5 times total in my life, at least three of those times with her, and she has won every single time. We all benefit from her luck and generousity. Which is good, since the rest of us all lose.

On Thursday night, my dear friend Carla came over and the five of us headed to the annual lantern festival in Forest Hills Cemetary. This was my favorite part of the day. It is the first year I attended, and it's a wonderful event. Tim and I made a lantern for our grandmothers (we each had a grandmother pass away this year), and Karen made a lantern for her sister-in-law Jan (Tim's aunt). Jan was one of these people that you feel instantly comfortable with, and her loss will always be felt. Goddamn cancer strikes again. Then we met up with friends Anne and Marty (waiting for their daughter) and Cheryl and Bruce (waiting for their daughter). It was a beautiful night...the cemetary is gorgeous, and it was very touching to see all these people making lanterns for someone and setting them afloat. I am also glad that my in-laws got to meet some of the folks we hang with. Kikalee and Sparky, we missed you!!! And finally, almost anything is more fun if Carla comes with you. I think Royal and Karen got a charge out of her, since by the end of the night Royal and Carla were flirting.



Friday, we were up and out early. Alrighty!!! We went into Boston on the T. Tim's parents are not big fans of the T; Royal starts asking when he is getting off as soon as he gets on. And I have to say admit it was as hot as hell in some of the stations on Friday. Then...whale watching. I hadn't been on a whale watch in years, and I really enjoyed it. We saw both humpback and fin whales. Then it was off to eat a late lunch at the Kingfish Hall, which is yummy. Then back home, where we watched "March of the Penguins".



Saturday was a low key day. Tim and I had our kickboxing class in the morning...that is a whole other post...I have to tell you about Emily. And my stomach. But I digress...Tim's parents watched the dogs while we were in class, and Karen weeded our garden for us. What a deal! Then to church, and a early dinner afterwards.

We left for the airport at 4:30AM on Sunday morning, and then they were gone.

Here's the thing. I am not good at family. I wish I was, but honestly, it's a little foreign to me. Tim and I grew up in polar opposite environments. I have neither spoken nor heard the words "I love you" from either of my parents in years. I am not used to the whole hanging out with the fam thing. For the most part, my parents are not interested in how I am ... they are interested in telling me how they are. Or, in the case of my dad, the last time I heard how he was doing was over three years ago. At that time, I gave him my business card with my work number and email on it, and he said "Oh, you're a professor?" And I said "Yeah...who knew?" So it's a little weird to have parents around, asking questions about our lives, taking us out to eat, taking an interest in our friends, weeding our garden, etc.

Karen met our neighbor and said "It's nice to see where the kids bought a house". And I am thinking "Kids?...Who is she talking about?" And then I realize that Tim and I are the kids...that this is how Royal and Karen see us. And as foreign as it is to me, it's kind of nice to be thought of as a kid, or even better, as someone's kid.

So, here's the thing. No, I am not a big fan of Tim's small hometown in Minnesota. I am pretty sure if I lived there I would end up playing Jack Nicholson's psycho accomplice in The Shining. There are NO coffee shops, people. Everyone looks like everyone else. Everyone knows everyone else. And our little nephew Ben thinks his tan, French grandma is African American. And no, I am not big into spray cheese in a can, golf, watching TV, handheld poker games, playing cards, pulling tabs at the VFW and the like. And no, I am not a woman that likes to chat on the phone, whose nails and toenails always match, who wears a Christmas vest every year, who drinks white zinfindahl.

But I am a woman who knows that Isabella is going to have one wonderful set of grandparents.

Me, my grandma and a tree.

This is a picture of me, back in the early 70s, when I was almost a year old, with my grandmother, Beryl. My grandma died this past Thanksgiving somewhat unexpectedly. I was given some of her old photos, and I really like this one.

Why?

Well, first of all, it makes me wonder about whoever took the picture! As far as I know, no one in my family is legally blind, but looking at this picture makes me wonder. Or is the tree the star of the show here? Kinda funny, kinda great. And I do like trees...in fact Tim sometimes refers to me as a "tree huggger". His response to wasting paper products is "the tree is already dead".

Secondly, I look really happy in this picture, and I think that reflects how I really was around my grandparents. As a kid, I LOVED going to my grandparents' house for the weekend. They were FUN.

Finally, I always thought my grandmother was a beautiful woman. Not classically beautiful, but she was radiant. I think she really loved her life, that she had found her place in the world. I consider it an enormous compliment when anyone says I look like her.

The day my grandmother died, I had some friends over for Thanksgiving Dinner. It was very weird. Then there was the wake and the funeral, and that was that. I went back to the office the day after the funeral.

After my grandfather died, I felt horrible for about two weeks. I kept picturing how he looked those last few hours in the hospital - like a tortured animal. It was raining the day of his funeral and all I could think about was that he was getting wet. I remember trying to go back to my graduate work after his funeral, breaking down in my dissertation advisor's office, and then hiding out in my apartment for the next week or so.

This death was different. As turbulent as my relationship has been with my mom, I've been very worried about her. She lost her father in the mid 1990s, she lost her older sister a few years ago, and now she has lost her mom. My mom's husband is very ill and she takes care of him at home. She must know that soon, in many ways, she'll be alone. I also think that I took some comfort in believing that my grandmother would be united with my grandfather in some way. I can picture him trying to smother her with kisses and her blushing and giggling like a schoolgirl.

I see my family shrinking, and I know there's nothing I can do. I wish I could repair broken relationships, or get some time back, or whatever. I've tried at times, and have never been successful. We only get so many chances, only so much time.

Here's the thing though. My grandparents were disappointed in some of my choices (such as my first marriage to a much older man, and my reluctance to comb my hair, which particularly bothered my grandmother). But I know they loved me irregardless, in their own way. I didn't always spend as much time with them as I could have, especially my grandmother. I got divorced, moved around, etc. But I know that they knew I loved them too, in my own way. And maybe that's enough. I hope so.

Meet the Family-Meet Great Grandma Carmen

Tim and his grandmother
This is Tim with his Grandma, Carmen. She calls him Tim-Tim.
Isn't she beautiful? And funny too!
She lives in Crookston, Minnesota, and she used to own a hat shop!

Meet the family-Meet Uncle Todd

Todd and Tammy-Empire State Bldg.-November 2003
This is Tim's brother Todd, with me on top of the Empire State Building in NYC. Tim, Todd and I went there together in November 2003.
As you can see, it's very windy on top of the ESB, as my hair looks even messier than usual.

Todd is my favorite brother in law! He is an actuary and lives in Chicago. We want him to move to Boston!

Meet the family-Meet Aunt Tina & Uncle Chris

Tina and Chris at our wedding
This is Tim's sister Tina Trostad, with her husband Chris. They have three beautiful children - Amber, Leah and Ben. They also have a dog - Taffy. Tina is the "middle" child. Tina and Chris and their family also live in Crookston, Minnesota. Tina was a bridesmaid and Chris was a groomsman for Tim and I when we got married. This picture was taken then.

Meet the family-Meet Grandparents Royal and Karen

Tim and his parents
This is a picture of Tim with his parents, Royal and Karen. They live in Crookston, Minnesota. Oh, for funny!

Meet the Family-Meet the Dogs

Tim with Buca and Indie
This is Tim with our two dogs, Buca (a mini-schnauzer) and Indie (a Bichon Frise).
Buca is a lot bigger now ... he weighs about 22 lbs and is 9 months old.
Indie weights about 10lbs and is 3 years old.