There are many ways to mother.
Yesterday was Mother's Day. A day for people who actually are mothers, right now.
Can I tell you about my friends? Cheryl became a mother to Mya this year. It was her first Mother's Day home with her beautiful little girl. Same goes for Sparky, who became a mother to Amazing Grace this year. Then there is Anne, who became a mom this year to Lea, and was celebrating her first Mother's Day. And there's LaSalette, who became Emma's mother in 2005. She and her family are currently waiting for a second daughter, Sophie. And last, but never least, there's Carla, whose path to motherhood has not yet revealed itself.
All of these people had their own joys to celebrate, or their own reasons Mother's Day could be a tough day. And yet.
And yet all of these people thought of me this week, and let me know it.
Cheryl, Bruce, and Mya gave us a beautiful card, and several gifts. Onesies, a formula storage/dispensing container, diaper wipes, infant Motrin drops. Unbelievable.
LaSalette, John, and Emma also gave us a lovely card, with a beautiful detachable bookmark, and a red onesie that says "My Heart Belongs to Mommy". Most of all, Emma sent kisses.
Carla gave us a stacker, with plastic rings and a rocker bottom...the classic toy. She also gave us two gorgeous picture frames, one that says "Family" and one with a family of ducks. A wonderful card for me. And a bag of Starburst for Tim, so that he wouldn't feel left out.
Sparky left me a sweet note on her blog. On a day she called "The Best Day Ever", she thought of me.
Anne sent me a very thoughful note earlier in the week, in the midst of enjoying Lea.
Wow. I am just blown away. Trust me, few things leave me speechless, but the kindness of my friends during this adoption journey has left me at a lost for words. I just don't know how to say "thank you" in a way that is meaningful enough.
It occurs to me that I am a pretty selfish person sometimes. When I've got a lot going on, either outwards or inwards, I tend to hunker down. I either complain endlessly (ask Tim), or I say nothing, and try to be strong. There's never a moderate reaction...it's always an extreme with me. At 34, I am still learning how to manage my feelings.
This time has been strange, because I am very happy for all my friends that have realized their dream of parenthood. And I love their children. I love my nieces Amber and Leah, and my nephew Ben. Truly. If Emma, Mya, Grace, Lea, Siya, Aman, Markus, Oscar, Abigail, or Amber, Leah, or Ben, were in trouble, and there was something, anything, I could do for them or their parents, I would do it in a heartbeat. It's that simple.
What's not simple is all these feelings around motherhood. Feelings about my own mother. Feelings of fear that I won't be a good mother, no matter how much I want to be. Feelings of fear that this has all been surreal...that it is not going to happen. That the universe is teasing me. And I know all of that is old news...people have heard all of this from me before. I know that there is no one to be mad at...it is no one's fault that we've been waiting for so long.
But yesterday I felt loved. And a bit mothered, as though my women friends were gripping my hand, and saying "I know. But it will be OK". As if somehow God had sent me these people that have cared for me, not only on Mother's Day, but for a long time, in many ways. There's that expression that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Yesterday, I believed that. So, to all the women that have cared for me as their friend (to Carla, Cheryl, LaSalette, Anne, Donna, Lisa, Betti, Daphne, to name a few), and to all of the women that have tried, in some way, to mother me a bit, even when I have been uncomfortable being mothered (to Carol, to Karen Murphy, to Mrs. Serpa), Happy Mother's Day. You're all teaching me, every day. Thank you.
Can I tell you about my friends? Cheryl became a mother to Mya this year. It was her first Mother's Day home with her beautiful little girl. Same goes for Sparky, who became a mother to Amazing Grace this year. Then there is Anne, who became a mom this year to Lea, and was celebrating her first Mother's Day. And there's LaSalette, who became Emma's mother in 2005. She and her family are currently waiting for a second daughter, Sophie. And last, but never least, there's Carla, whose path to motherhood has not yet revealed itself.
All of these people had their own joys to celebrate, or their own reasons Mother's Day could be a tough day. And yet.
And yet all of these people thought of me this week, and let me know it.
Cheryl, Bruce, and Mya gave us a beautiful card, and several gifts. Onesies, a formula storage/dispensing container, diaper wipes, infant Motrin drops. Unbelievable.
LaSalette, John, and Emma also gave us a lovely card, with a beautiful detachable bookmark, and a red onesie that says "My Heart Belongs to Mommy". Most of all, Emma sent kisses.
Carla gave us a stacker, with plastic rings and a rocker bottom...the classic toy. She also gave us two gorgeous picture frames, one that says "Family" and one with a family of ducks. A wonderful card for me. And a bag of Starburst for Tim, so that he wouldn't feel left out.
Sparky left me a sweet note on her blog. On a day she called "The Best Day Ever", she thought of me.
Anne sent me a very thoughful note earlier in the week, in the midst of enjoying Lea.
Wow. I am just blown away. Trust me, few things leave me speechless, but the kindness of my friends during this adoption journey has left me at a lost for words. I just don't know how to say "thank you" in a way that is meaningful enough.
It occurs to me that I am a pretty selfish person sometimes. When I've got a lot going on, either outwards or inwards, I tend to hunker down. I either complain endlessly (ask Tim), or I say nothing, and try to be strong. There's never a moderate reaction...it's always an extreme with me. At 34, I am still learning how to manage my feelings.
This time has been strange, because I am very happy for all my friends that have realized their dream of parenthood. And I love their children. I love my nieces Amber and Leah, and my nephew Ben. Truly. If Emma, Mya, Grace, Lea, Siya, Aman, Markus, Oscar, Abigail, or Amber, Leah, or Ben, were in trouble, and there was something, anything, I could do for them or their parents, I would do it in a heartbeat. It's that simple.
What's not simple is all these feelings around motherhood. Feelings about my own mother. Feelings of fear that I won't be a good mother, no matter how much I want to be. Feelings of fear that this has all been surreal...that it is not going to happen. That the universe is teasing me. And I know all of that is old news...people have heard all of this from me before. I know that there is no one to be mad at...it is no one's fault that we've been waiting for so long.
But yesterday I felt loved. And a bit mothered, as though my women friends were gripping my hand, and saying "I know. But it will be OK". As if somehow God had sent me these people that have cared for me, not only on Mother's Day, but for a long time, in many ways. There's that expression that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Yesterday, I believed that. So, to all the women that have cared for me as their friend (to Carla, Cheryl, LaSalette, Anne, Donna, Lisa, Betti, Daphne, to name a few), and to all of the women that have tried, in some way, to mother me a bit, even when I have been uncomfortable being mothered (to Carol, to Karen Murphy, to Mrs. Serpa), Happy Mother's Day. You're all teaching me, every day. Thank you.
Labels: Friends.
posted by Redheaded Chick at 10:03 AM
3 Comments:
Tammy,
I thought of you often yesterday as well. I didn't leave you a message because I didn't want to cause you any more pain. Everyone was just so sure you would never spend another Mother's Day without Bella and yet there it was. My heart breaks for you but I know that your time is inching ever so near and when she is finally in your arms you will be able to celebrate EVERY day as Mother's Day!!
Hold on just a little while longer, I promise she will be there to celebrate with you next year, if not I'll personally fly to China and kick some major booty!!!!!
Hugs,
Dawn
My gut tells me you are going to be a great mom and the nice thing is that you don'r have too much more time to wait to find that out for yourself firsthand.
I thought of you a lot yesterday and everyday. Soon my friend, soon.
You remind me of myself last year when I missed another Mother's Day again without my child. I know it is easier said that done but from someone who has been there not too long ago, keep the faith, hang in there. This will pass and you will be there happily holding your little girl.
By the way I love the name Isabella.
Yoli
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