Resigned.

Well, that bad news is official...CCAA has updated their website. Sigh. Yesterday I just wanted to throw my hands up and crawl into a cave for the next few months. Even SchnauzerKing was feeling it. We went to the grocery store and moped through the aisles, singing "We're all alone, we got no baby". When we went to bed last night, I said to him "Just think, in another five years or so, we should have a baby to put to bed". Nothing like wallowing in self-pity.

I think I am over it, at least for the moment. At the end of May, the spring semester will be over and I'll have no more teaching responsibilities. I'll try to use June for some research and writing that I really do need to do...although I refuse to deal with reality, the reality is that I will be up for tenure before too long and I am really bad at balancing teaching, research and service. Now, chances are that we won't be going to China in July, so hey, a bonus month to work. Yahoo. Yes, I am grasping at straws, but I have to. There's nothing we can do. My new hope is that we have the baby for my 35th birthday, which is early to mid-August.

I did get a little boost in my spirits at the end of the day. I came home to find a copy of my friend Andy's first book in the mail, The Doom of Reconstruction, along with a lovely note. Andy is a Civil War historian out at East Tennessee State, and he has been my friend since college. Andy is husband to Nicole and father to 14 month year old Abigail. Andy also married SchnauzerKing and I, something that helped to make our wedding perfect in my mind. There's a line about me in the acknowledgements,which SchnauzerKing translated to "Tammy has given me grief since college and continues to do so". That sounds about right. But seriously Slap, I am proud of you.