Maybe this is the last Tuesday before I become a mom.

I hope so. Those referrals better hurry up and get here. I am not sure I can last another week. Well, yeah, I could. I have to. But I don't wanna!

I am very mature.

I wanted to respond to a few of the comments. Yes, the baby fairies are wonderful. With all the help we've gotten from Carla, Cheryl & Bruce, LaSalette & John, and my MIW/RLM posse (Sparky & Bob, Anne & Marty, Lisa & Rich), we sort of feel like we have our own personal adoption trip & baby preparation team. Seriously. Items borrowed to date, in addition to the clothes and shoes: Baby B'Air, Hip Hammock, Inflatable Tub, Passport and ID holders, Jumperoo, Walker, Bottle Warmer, Backback on wheels (to be used as a carry on and diaper back). And I am sure I am forgetting something. It's AMAZING. People are so excited for us, which is especially touching when many of them have recently arrived home with their own beautiful children. Our friends rock. Period.

Regarding the giraffe decorative pillow and the letters pictured below: Those of you that know me in real life know that I don't MAKE anything. I am hopelessly non-crafty. SK & I are the first ones to admit that we have no real skills.

The pillow I got at Babies R' Us, and I think I bought that well over a year ago when we were shopping for a shower gift for LaSalette and John. It goes with the "theme" of Isabella's nursery, which is the discontinued John Lennon "Real Love" collection from Carters...it has all kinds of whimsical looking animals like giraffes, elephants, rhinos, etc. The letters that spell out Bella's name I bought from Ebay. They are actually made of the same material that the JL Real Love Collection is made from (click on the picture with the letters to get an enlarged view). You can order the letters in a variety of fabrics from this lady. I was very pleased with them overall, although I wish the "B" looked a little better. The seller is easy to deal with, and she had them done very quickly. They are a nice alternative to the very common wooden letters, but I must warn you that they take up a lot more wall space. It's a good thing I cheaped out and didn't order the "I", "S", and "A"!

Ok, back to pretending to be productive at work.

A little glimpse of the nursery.

Waiting for the

Gifts from the baby fairies.

And this was just the first batch, and just the clothes! Another batch has since arrived!!!

Here we go.

OK, so the madness has officially hit. I had decided that the referral was coming the week of August 6th, so last week I was pretty calm. Then there were rumors that referrals may have been mailed on Thursday or Friday, and I realized IF that were true, then we might get our referral this week...even early this week. So, on Saturday, I officially began getting nutty, randomly shouting out "We're going to have a baby!" to SK. I started developing all kinds of contingency plans for this week, since I actually have two social events, in addition to dog training class.
Me planning to go out three weekday nights in a row, in addition to any gym activity. Truly amazing.

Today I had an appointment with a medical professional for my VDS family member. This involved a hour drive each way, and some pit stops for errands, bathroom breaks, etc. I carried my cell phone, notebook and pen everywhere.

Now it seems that the packages may not contain referrals, so I guess I should probably repress some of my nuttiness. I guess this is all part of the journey!

This weekend SK and I got a lot accomplished. Finally, we took in our much neglected bikes for a tune-up. Because we'll have so much time to ride them once Bella gets here. On Saturday, Carla came for dinner and bought more baby clothes and medications from the baby fairies Cheryl & Bruce, and John & LaSalette. There's a red and black dress that has me particularly bowled over, and I haven't even looked at most of the goodies yet. Also, the paint scraping agony continued. Ugh.

Bring on the babies!

P.S. Darin, I'd love to touch base with you! PM me at crazyredheadedwoman@gmail.com if you can; I couldn't find your blog or email.

So, what's on your mind these days?

I am thinking that within the next 14 days, we will receive our referral. Wow. Part of me believes that this is in fact, true, and part of me thinks some unforseen obstacle will arise. I am emailing our agency today to make sure all our phone numbers are up to date, and to ask them to call our cell phones first.

I have to admit that I am going to be bummed if SK gets the call before me.

I've been enjoying all your guesses as to age. I hope that Cheryl is right in her prediction that Isabella has some hair that sticks up. Our friend's daughter, Emma, had a bit of a punk rock 'do going on in her referral picture and I always thought that was the coolest thing.

Right now, we refer to Isabella lovingly as "Kung Fu Diva", because I'd rather be a martial arts mom than a soccer mom. And I want her to always be able to hold her ground (except with me, of course! OK, even with me, although I may not appreciate it at the time). So, a little spiky 'do seems just about right. Of course, this comes from a woman whose favorite comment on her teaching evaluations from last semester was "Murphy does not suffer fools gladly".

Speaking of martial arts, SK began his karate class on Monday. I must admit he looks very handsome in his gi. Oh yeah. His dojo starts lessons for children at age 3, so I am hoping she's into it. Either that, or fencing. The only must I have is that she learns to swim. Still, it would be nice if she turns out to be a combat or weapons girl. I dare to dream.

I have to hand it to SK. We've been dealing with a Very Difficult Situation (VDS) at home involving another family member. I won't go into details because it's not my story to tell, but it is a member of my family that's involved. And the VDS has basically washed away our summer because we can't have other visitors or even get-togethers at our house. We had to forgo a vist with our friend from DC, Marvin, who is the greatest visitor because his primary activity is telling SK how he is only visiting to see me and how he loves me very much. A girl can use a friend like that.

The VDS consumes a lot of my energy. Part of me resents this because these final weeks of waiting should be a time of joy for SK and me, and our impending referral is not on the family member's radar. SK has done much better with this than I would if I were in his shoes. Because of this, I've been able to hold up and try to get the VDS resolved (at least in terms of it being on our home) before we go to China.
And SK gets that even though a lot of my efforts in the VDS area are fruitless, I am doing what I need to do to be OK with me, to know that I gave it my best shot. And that's a lot to get when the VDS consumes a lot of your food and your wife's attention. In this pre-referral time, SK should get the best of me. But he doesn't. Not by a long shot.

SK and I, along with Carla, did have the pleasure of watching Cheryl and Bruce's Mya the other evening. Mya is eighteen months worth of ENERGY! It was a lot of fun...Mya loves starring in her own show. After arriving home well in time to do the bedtime routine with Mya, C&B gave us some very helpful travel tips. They also gave us A TON of clothes, from both their Mya and John & LaSalette's Emma. Unbelievable. Between these bags of clothes (all wonderfully organized by size and season, of course. Where do these people come from?), all the clothes friends and family have already given us,and the few outfits I bought eons ago, I don't think I'll need to buy any clothes for this girl. We also scored a Baby B'Air, a jumperoo, a walker, and a bottle warmer from the C&B/L&J godsends!

Wow, long post. Then again, long wait.

How old will she be?

One of the things I wonder about something like 50 times a day is how old Isabella is. SK thinks she will be 12 months at referral. I have no idea. It doesn't matter to us one way or the other, but it will be so nice to finally KNOW in another three weeks or so. If you have any guesses about Isabella's reported birthdate, feel free to comment. I will let you who comes the closest!

20 Months.

This is the 20th month anniversary of our log in date. Is it the final anniversary before referral? God, I hope so. Please, please, please.

Let's see: an update of SK's karate class. He hasn't gone yet. So I have nothing fun and embarrassing to report. I think he is going to start next Monday instead.
I am hoping to find someone that can sneak in with a video camera. In all seriousness, I am proud of SK for starting this. He says that he doesn't want to rival me in breast size, and I wholeheartedly support that goal. Let's face it, women: we don't want our men to weigh less than we do, be prettier than we are, or have bigger breasts than we do. I don't have the self-confidence for any of that.

We have started a dog training class on Tuesday evenings. Let's just say both our dogs need some work. Specifically, they need to learn to stop jumping up and going into a wild barking frenzy when people arrive at our home. So, we are starting with mini-schnauzer Buca, in a class taught by this woman. I have to admit I am kind of crushin' on her. She's very good at what she does, with a funny, strong personality. But I digress. So, Buca is in this class with maybe 5-6 other dogs. And he is the star of the class! The instructor actually said "Buca is a little more advanced than the rest of the dogs". I nearly passed out. Those of you that have actually interacted with Buca in real life know why. This is a dog that jumped on our dear friend Carla so much one day that he actually pulled her pants down. I wish I were making this up. Carla no longer wears drawstring pants to our home. Clearly, Buca must be crushin' on this instructor as well, as he refuses to reveal his evil true self.

I have been thinking about what you all have been saying regarding needing strength for the baby. I also know that I am about 20 pounds heavier than I should be and some days I feel like I look like a human bowling ball. Not a good feeling, although I am all for man-made bowling balls. I happen to own my very own purple one, with sparkles. But again, I digress.

I am determined to get in better shape. A healthy lifestyle is something I'd like to model for Isabella. I've always struggled with my weight, and it seems the only way I can stay at a size 6 is to A.) Run 4 miles a day and do Nautilus 4 times per week, or B.) Get a divorce.

Seriously, divorce is the best diet plan I've ever been on. If you are such despair that you never sleep, and go at 90 mph all day long to hold off your grief, then DAMN...those pounds really come off! However, Option B is out because I actually really enjoy being SK's wife. Option A is unrealistic for every day...I managed it when in graduate school, but that was to avoid writing my dissertation. Nonetheless, I am going to make a more serious effort. I am happy to report that yesterday SK did the grocery shopping so that I could go to the gym. I ran, I walked at a steep incline (practice for the Great Wall), and I did the full Nautilus circuit. Listen to me roar!

Finally, I want to thank you all for some great comments. I often try to respond personally, but some of you have profiles that do not link to either a blog or an email. The commenter I am most curious about is Galen. I have a friend whose middle name is Galen, so I thought that was him, but it turns out that this is not the case. Very, very funny comments. If you are so inclined, email me at crazyredheadedwoman@gmail.com.

Cautious.

After all this waiting, you would think I would be frantically checking the Rumour Queen all day. But I am not there yet. I think, after all this waiting, I don't quite believe we are going to actually get a referral in this next batch, even though we have every reason to be optimistic. SK and I have talked about this; for some reason we both feel like we might get the rug pulled out from under us at the last minute. It's almost like we are afraid to get too excited...SK keeps saying "I'll believe it when I see it". My heart is so fragile that I think I've bubble-wrapped it.

I can't believe that in four weeks or less, we may be handed a picture of a child that is OUR DAUGHTER. I am dying to see her face. I know in that moment, everything will change. But I am still afraid that moment will never happen.

Nonetheless, we are preparing. Not in a Cheryl and Bruce kind of way, but in a Tim and Tammy kind of way, which means tiny little bits of preparation here and there.
I have purchased the rubber pants, which everyone advises in case of "blow outs" on the flight home. Ugh. I am cringing at the thought. I've asked my friends Sparky and Anne for copies of their packing lists, which they have graciously given me. I made a spreadsheet for our own packing list and have been adding items here and there. I am re-reading our agency's referral and travel packet.

SK starts a karate class tonight. Ha! I predict he either gets carried out of the dojo on a stretcher or is unable to get out of bed tomorrow morning. For some reason, he won't allow me to go watch his class.

The great paint scraping project continues, with several hours logged yesterday.
Ugh, ugh, UGH. I keep telling myself it will look so much better when it is all done. Yeah, right.

Rant of the day.

Many of you know that my brother, who is two years younger than me, is a victim of the Station Nightclub Fire in Rhode Island. The fire resulted from the use of pyrotechnics in an overcrowded club that was insulated with a cheap flammable foam. Fortunately, my brother survived, but not wihout being intubated, having a feeding tube, a later trachetomy, and of course, skin grafts. Not without being in a coma and waking up to discover that one of the three people he was with had died.

I've always viewed the fire as the result of a series of mistakes by different people (Great White-the band, the club owners, the fire inspector, etc.) that collided in this one horrific incident that killed 100 people and injured over 200.

You figure that we should learn, right? But today, on my way to work, I hear that two people were hospitalized when pyrotechnics at a Beyonce concert got out of control. Makes me crazy.

Scraping by in July.

Lots of random little bits today.

I want to let readers of my personal blog on Typepad, "Finding Family",know that I have cancelled my Typepad account and deleted the blog. Right now, I am blogging just here, and eventually will switch to another blog on blogger after referral that will be by invite only. Again, if you would like to be invited, please email us at tammytimisabella@yahoo.com. I have been saving all the requests.

The cancellation of the Typepad account was prompted by a big financial summit SchnauzerKing and I had this weekend. Things have been rough, and I don't mean rough in a "we won't be able to take a Caribbean cruise this year" sort of way. I mean rough in a seriously "Yikes" kind of way, largely because we spent about 50% of our take home pay on our mortgage. This is not uncommon in expensive metro areas, but it certainly makes life less carefree. In addition, as many of my close friends know, my brother has been staying with us since the beginning of June, and so that entails some extra expense. One bad thing about growing up poor is that I tend not to panic until true disaster strikes. "Financial problems" to me means public housing, food stamps, and being eligible for free school lunch. Right now, I feel lucky to have the house we have, which we love despite its challenges. I feel lucky to have a decent job and a reliable car, and to be able to eat fresh produce. So disaster has not yet struck by any means, and because of that I have been living in a bit of denial, me thinks. With the upcoming adoption trip and the added expense of raising a daughter, big time financial problems could arise if we don't have our finances under control, and we simply cannot let that happen. SK and I spent a lot of time talking about "nice to haves" vs. "necessities". And so, no more $8.95/month for Typepad.

This weekend we also decided to undertake an item on our home repair "to do" list. We painted Isabella's room a light yellow (Straw by Benjamin Moore)eons ago, and the room has warm white trim called "Swiss Coffee" (also Benjamin Moore). We are happy with this combination. The problem is because we did not scrape before we painted the trim, the paint began to peel around the door frame to her room. Just a few spots, but things have not gotten so bad that we want our daughter to start eating paint flakes. So we decided to scrape all the door frames, and some of the doors, on the second floor as close down to the bare wood as possible. We also decided to repaint the walls in the second floor hallway, getting rid of the dull light blue/gray color that is there, using a color called "French Lilac" (also Benjamin Moore). I think this will all look terrific once it is done. The bad news is that I did not realize how much work and mess all this scraping would entail. Because I have asthma, I have to wear a mask while doing it, which gets pretty damn hot. Paint chips and dust everywhere. Thank God for the shop vac. And we are nowhere near done. I also discovered that if I scrape paint for 4 or 5 hours straight, I will barely be able to lift my arms the next day (translation: I am very out of shape). It's all very depressing.

On the up side, in four or five weeks, I expect we will see our daughter's photographs, know how old she is, know where she is living. And that is everything. The only thing I've ever been completely sure of in life is that I wanted to be a mother. I am going to be a mother. How fortunate am I?

Could August be our month?

I am feeling optimistic. If the rumors are right and 11/14/2005 is this month's log-in date cut-off, that means that the CCAA got through 5 business days last month. There are 4 business days between 11/14/2005 and 11/18/2005, which is our log-in date. So it seems entirely possible that early August may finally be our time. I will turn 35 on August 10th, and I can't think of a better gift than finally being able to see our daughter's face!