Why I really dislike the RQ roller coaster.
During Thanksgiving week both my pals Sparky (LID 9/14/2005)and Kikalee (LID 9/12/2005) were very hopeful that they were going to be in this latest batch of referrals. I read the most hopeful, excited posts. Then this week...well, guess what? We did not get "deep into September", CCAA did not do the entire month of September, and there was no "big surprise".
Now, the good news is that Sparky and Kikalee know they will be in the next batch.
But I hate all the rumors. Yes, I realize people have waited forever (we started the process in February 2005). Yes, I realize that referral day will be the most amazing day. Yes, I realize people are hungry for information. But for some reason, it makes me pissy that the RQ causes people's hopes to rise and fall within the course of a week. Obviously it's not the RQ's "fault" - people choose to follow her and then what she has to say spreads through the boards like gospel. I don't really know why this makes me so pissy. I just know it does.
Some people find it odd that I want to stay off the RQ. I hear all the time how I'll be hooked in a few months. I am not so sure. The same people that are hooked a few months before their referral are usually the same people that were hooked 6 months earlier. Am I cold? Detached? No, not really. I want my baby as much as the next waiting mom. I think about it all the time, and on a more basic level,I have a job where I have to plan months ahead (you might recall that I decided in late October to teach this spring semester, which ends in May...and there are no "subs" at the university level. Timing is critical to me, perhaps even more so than to the average waiting mom). So, yes, I certainly want to know when I am getting a referral. But I guess I don't think the RQ is really going to be able to tell me that. On a pragmatic level, I have a lot of work to do, so following each and every rumor really isn't feasible for me. And on an emotional level, I don't need the extra drama of having my hopes elevated and then dashed on a hour to hour, day to day, basis. I am completely capable of having dramatic swings in mood sans RQ.
Recently I commented that with an LID of 11/18/2005, I expect to travel in late spring or early summer. Some have suggested I am crazy...that there's no way our referral will take that long. Some have suggested that I am just protecting myself by predicting such a far away travel date. Maybe I am crazy, maybe I am protecting myself. But sometimes I just want to scream "DO THE MATH, PEOPLE". CCCA referred 12 days worth of LIDs at the beginning of November, and 10 days worth of LIDs this past week. October 2005 is a record month in terms of number of dossiers received. Call me Debbie Downer, but I will be completely thrilled if I am just able to see our referral before Mother's Day this year.
Now, the good news is that Sparky and Kikalee know they will be in the next batch.
But I hate all the rumors. Yes, I realize people have waited forever (we started the process in February 2005). Yes, I realize that referral day will be the most amazing day. Yes, I realize people are hungry for information. But for some reason, it makes me pissy that the RQ causes people's hopes to rise and fall within the course of a week. Obviously it's not the RQ's "fault" - people choose to follow her and then what she has to say spreads through the boards like gospel. I don't really know why this makes me so pissy. I just know it does.
Some people find it odd that I want to stay off the RQ. I hear all the time how I'll be hooked in a few months. I am not so sure. The same people that are hooked a few months before their referral are usually the same people that were hooked 6 months earlier. Am I cold? Detached? No, not really. I want my baby as much as the next waiting mom. I think about it all the time, and on a more basic level,I have a job where I have to plan months ahead (you might recall that I decided in late October to teach this spring semester, which ends in May...and there are no "subs" at the university level. Timing is critical to me, perhaps even more so than to the average waiting mom). So, yes, I certainly want to know when I am getting a referral. But I guess I don't think the RQ is really going to be able to tell me that. On a pragmatic level, I have a lot of work to do, so following each and every rumor really isn't feasible for me. And on an emotional level, I don't need the extra drama of having my hopes elevated and then dashed on a hour to hour, day to day, basis. I am completely capable of having dramatic swings in mood sans RQ.
Recently I commented that with an LID of 11/18/2005, I expect to travel in late spring or early summer. Some have suggested I am crazy...that there's no way our referral will take that long. Some have suggested that I am just protecting myself by predicting such a far away travel date. Maybe I am crazy, maybe I am protecting myself. But sometimes I just want to scream "DO THE MATH, PEOPLE". CCCA referred 12 days worth of LIDs at the beginning of November, and 10 days worth of LIDs this past week. October 2005 is a record month in terms of number of dossiers received. Call me Debbie Downer, but I will be completely thrilled if I am just able to see our referral before Mother's Day this year.
posted by Redheaded Chick at 9:23 PM
5 Comments:
Are you aware that the RQ isn't just 'one woman' but rather 'several' who have access the blog & update it here & there with whatever new info it is they've found out? It sucks, the wait just plain sucks but do yourself a favor & avoid that site cuz honestly, it causes those who read it nothing but grief & the constant roller coaster heartache.
I'm sorry to hear of both Donna & Lisa's disappointment. I understand it all too well... I too was passed over, by one day. ONE FREAKIN DAY! Trust me, it was not exciting to see everyone get their referrals & know mine wasn't part of them by something as silly as 24 hours! grrr
Waiting sucks no matter how you slice it so sadly I have no words of wisdom other than to say that, I get it, it sucks and I'm sorry. Give them both my best please & all of you, have a wonderful holiday season. And yes, it IS TOP NOTCH to know that they WILL be in the next batch, and what a wonderful way to start their new years out... as families of 3! Take care & all of you hang in there...
-Amy & Ruby Cate
Hey Tammy
I feel the same way but I'm seeing a June referral for us since I'm 11/30. I just can't see them speeding up that much. And, as far as the rumor queen, I can't deal with her/them either. I would go from such excitement to such dismay in such a short time which is way too much drama for me. I do read her only around referral time now to see everyone so excited, knowing one day that it will be me.
Right on sista. It doesn't matter anyway. You'll hear the good and bad news reflected via others' blogs anyway.
And the person who submitted the rumors of "deep into Sept"? Did they go back and ask, "Now, why was my information wrong?" Nope, of course they don't.
I've seen so many (unrelated to adoption) rumors started because someone asks another, "Hey, do you think blah-blah-blah could happen one day?" And then suddenly, it gets forgotten that it was originally a QUESTION and it becomes a RUMOR.
I am staying far away from RQ. Every month I am let down. I should know better....
I completely hear you! The waiting game is so hard. Sometimes you just have to turn on the autopilot and keep moving your feet forward. I don't think you are cold. You just need to protect yourself right now! Hang on. Your day will come.
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