I digress.

I've been looking at my last few posts, as well as the title of this blog, and having quite a chuckle for myself. Because right now the adoption seems very far away and sitting around waiting for a referral is not my idea of adventure.

There are alternative titles I could go with...

The Murphys Want Their Baby. Now.

The Murphy Waiting Anti-Adventure.

The Murphy Imaginary Daughter: Isabella.

Nothin' New.

No, We Don't Know When We Are Going to China.

Tammy's Rant O' the Day.

or my personal favorite,

Waiting Sucks. So Give Me Chocolate.

My point is that I realize that this blog has really digressed from the topic of adoption, especially as of late. But what can I do? There's nothing to report. The last round of referrals was for LIDs of May 26-May 30. Our LID is November 18th. Our agency didn't have any referrals the last time CCAA sent them out, so I can't report on that either. But I am sticking with it because frankly, I need to. Because deep down, I know my daughter isn't imaginary and I know that we will be embarking on an actual adventure soon enough. Well, actually, NOT soon enough, but you know what I mean. So, keeping this blog is both an act of faith and a coping mechanism.

And we aren't just sitting around...I guess it just feels that way because the one thing I've cared about most in my life is so slow in coming. Anyone who knows me knows that patience is not my strong suit. Once I decide I want something, I go for it. It happens. Tim is very similar. Neither one of us screws around when it comes to decisions. Of course, those are typically things we have control over, and we all know we are not in control here.

I know someone's probably going to email me and tell me "But your daughter's just not ready for you yet". Do that at your own risk, because that's not one of my favorite things to hear, especially from people that already have their children. Because we are ready for our daughter. It kills me to think that she could be born, just waiting for us.

So, let me update you on the random goings on here:

- Saturday night Tim and I attended a dinner that the new Chancellor of UMB was hosting for faculty...his goal is to have dinner with each faculty member by the close of the year. I was kinda dreading it, as I generally hate sitting around, making small talk. I have a lot of ambivalence about my academic identity, and I generally don't feel comfortable with most other academics.

But it turned out to be quite nice, and we met some nice folks. The funniest thing is we somehow ended up being seated at the Chancellor's table. There were 50 people there, at least, and 9 per table. Nice odds. Let's just say this was a night I decided to watch my wine intake carefully. Tim decided to point out to the Chancellor that Holy Cross (the college his kids attend) had been beated by the University of North Dakota in hockey recently. The Chancellor immediately said "I'll keep that in mind", and asked when my tenure decision year is.

- My allergies have kicked up again and are in full swing. I spend half the day trying to scratch my eyes out.

- It appears that the company, Boston Baby, we ordered our crib, dresser, and rocker from may have gone out of business. My friend Cheryl called me to alert me that she had seen something on the news. When we drove by there yesterday, they were closed. Stuff still in the store, but no people, and no sign indicating what's going on. For once, I am glad we haven't paid a bill in full yet.

- My mother's husband is very sick. He's been in and out of hospitals for the past year. He has not been able to leave the house for a few years...his life is spent in his bed and the recliner. He is in the hospital now. He's 5'7" and currently weighs 133 lbs. He has congestive heart failure and a host of other things wrong with him. They are currently trying to decide whether or not to move him to a Boston hopsital to have a defibrillator put in, but there's concern he won't survive the surgery. My mom says she feels like she's living with a time bomb. I am kind of waiting for and dreading The Call.

I have a long painful relationship with my mom's husband. Yet somehow, I feel very sad about all this. Maybe it's because I know my mom truly loves this man, in spite of all the reasons I think she shouldn't. Maybe it's because my mom has lost her father, her only sibling, and her mother in the last 8 years, and I hate to see her go through yet another loss. Maybe it's because I know his quality of life is so low, and I wish it could all finally come to an end peacefully...that they could say their goodbyes and he could be given an injection and drift off, rather than die on the operating table or wait until his heart finally gives out. I sometimes think we treat our pets more humanely than our people. I guess, at the end of the day, no matter what someone has done to me or how they've hurt me, I don't like to see someone scared and I don't like to see someone suffering.

- On a lighter, happier note, Tim and I have gotten tickets to see Willie Nelson this May in Boston. Willie rocks! I saw him in 2002 and it was one of the best concerts ever.

- And on an even better note, Tim and I have decided to go to Chicago in June to see his brother Todd. I love Todd, and have never been to Chicago, so I am quite excited!

And that, my friends, is it for now!