Wanderlust
Today I received an unexpected gift...a collection of photos on CD. The CD was from an old student of mine as a "thank you"...he has spent much of the last year traveling all over Latin America and building his photography skills (he definitely didn't develop those in my class). I was blown away. And very jealous.
I've never gotten much of a chance to travel, and it's something that I deeply regret. My visit to China will be the first time I've been off the North American continent. I've always been so goal driven that I would never have considered traveling for a year in my mid 20s...I would have never considered wandering. Maybe it's time to change my goals.
My friend Andy and I were having an interesting conversation about raising children. He and Nicole plan on showing Abby, their brand new daughter, BBC "Learn Italian" DVDs at six months of age. I cracked up at that one, and of course, made fun of Andy. Andy is an "intellectual" with a capital I. But he got me thinking about what I wish for Isabella. This is not me criticizing anybody's parenting techniques...this is just me reflecting on what I wish for my daughter.
Do I hope Isabella is smart and curious about the world around her? Certainly. But most of all, I hope she has FUN, whatever that means for her (language DVDs or The Lion King). I know I'll have a role in shaping what she considers "fun", but part of me just wants to let her go and explore. Figure stuff out on her own. Be whomever it is that she wants to be, and give her lots of space to BREATHE.
I was a serious kid, a studious kid, with a fair amount of responsibility at a young age. I did not have a lot of fun. I put myself through college and I got a Ph.D. in economics before I turned 30. I loved my time in graduate school. I am a nerd, and I know it. I got a tenure track job in a very competitive market. I am a person you can count on to help you, to problem solve when things get rough. Blah, blah, blah. BLAH.
Reflecting back, I never just let go. I never took time to savor what I had done at that moment...I was always looking for the next benchmark. It wasn't until I was 30 that I started to learn...
-maybe working so hard isn't as important as it used to be
-to let other people deal with their own problems,instead of feeling a responsibility to help them
-that no matter how hard I try, I am never going to be as "good" as I want to be at what I am doing, so I might as well be happy with what I am doing
-that my feelings in and of themselves are worth something, even if I can't "think" my way through why I feel a certain way
Tim has had a big role in this learning process. First of all, he cracks me up EVERY SINGLE DAY. Secondly, he has helped me learn how to relax -at least a little. I am never going to be able to warm a couch for as many hours straight as he can, but I do often sit down and watch a movie with him, or I'll simply curl up next to him for a while. And then there's the dogs. They love me and they could care less if I get tenure or not.
I am SLOWLY learning to turn down some of the noise in my head. It's hard. I still crunch up my shoulders and neck. I still get massive tension headaches. I still grieve things I cannot change. I still have days when I am so disgusted with myself that I want to crawl under a rock.
So, if Isabella ends up as "book" smart as me or her daddy, that will be OK. And is she doesn't, that will be OK as well.
What I really wish for her is that she has all the other kind of "smarts" that it has taken her soon-to-be-mom so long to develop. I wish her a passionate life. I wish her peace. I hope that she wanders a bit, with the security of knowing she will always have a home. I hope that she will always feel as beautiful and as special as we will believe her to be.
I've never gotten much of a chance to travel, and it's something that I deeply regret. My visit to China will be the first time I've been off the North American continent. I've always been so goal driven that I would never have considered traveling for a year in my mid 20s...I would have never considered wandering. Maybe it's time to change my goals.
My friend Andy and I were having an interesting conversation about raising children. He and Nicole plan on showing Abby, their brand new daughter, BBC "Learn Italian" DVDs at six months of age. I cracked up at that one, and of course, made fun of Andy. Andy is an "intellectual" with a capital I. But he got me thinking about what I wish for Isabella. This is not me criticizing anybody's parenting techniques...this is just me reflecting on what I wish for my daughter.
Do I hope Isabella is smart and curious about the world around her? Certainly. But most of all, I hope she has FUN, whatever that means for her (language DVDs or The Lion King). I know I'll have a role in shaping what she considers "fun", but part of me just wants to let her go and explore. Figure stuff out on her own. Be whomever it is that she wants to be, and give her lots of space to BREATHE.
I was a serious kid, a studious kid, with a fair amount of responsibility at a young age. I did not have a lot of fun. I put myself through college and I got a Ph.D. in economics before I turned 30. I loved my time in graduate school. I am a nerd, and I know it. I got a tenure track job in a very competitive market. I am a person you can count on to help you, to problem solve when things get rough. Blah, blah, blah. BLAH.
Reflecting back, I never just let go. I never took time to savor what I had done at that moment...I was always looking for the next benchmark. It wasn't until I was 30 that I started to learn...
-maybe working so hard isn't as important as it used to be
-to let other people deal with their own problems,instead of feeling a responsibility to help them
-that no matter how hard I try, I am never going to be as "good" as I want to be at what I am doing, so I might as well be happy with what I am doing
-that my feelings in and of themselves are worth something, even if I can't "think" my way through why I feel a certain way
Tim has had a big role in this learning process. First of all, he cracks me up EVERY SINGLE DAY. Secondly, he has helped me learn how to relax -at least a little. I am never going to be able to warm a couch for as many hours straight as he can, but I do often sit down and watch a movie with him, or I'll simply curl up next to him for a while. And then there's the dogs. They love me and they could care less if I get tenure or not.
I am SLOWLY learning to turn down some of the noise in my head. It's hard. I still crunch up my shoulders and neck. I still get massive tension headaches. I still grieve things I cannot change. I still have days when I am so disgusted with myself that I want to crawl under a rock.
So, if Isabella ends up as "book" smart as me or her daddy, that will be OK. And is she doesn't, that will be OK as well.
What I really wish for her is that she has all the other kind of "smarts" that it has taken her soon-to-be-mom so long to develop. I wish her a passionate life. I wish her peace. I hope that she wanders a bit, with the security of knowing she will always have a home. I hope that she will always feel as beautiful and as special as we will believe her to be.
posted by Redheaded Chick at 4:32 PM
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