Crib Fear
OK, so I have had two sets of crib bedding forever (we moved them with us from the DC area in August). I have some books. I have some toys. I have clothes.
A nursery lamp. A crib mirror. Wall decorations. I even have curtains hung. And a doorknob sign that says "Bella's Room".
But no nursery furniture.
Friends who are at about the same waiting stage as us have had furniture for months, or have at least ordered it. We have had the nursery painted for a few months (it took two attempts on the trim...the first color we chose looked horrible if we turned a light on).
So why haven't we gotten furniture? Is it because as long as we have no furniture, I can put off dealing with my boxes o' junk that are still in Isabella's room? Well, Tim probably thinks so (the boxes o' junk are a long standing bone of contention, and sadly, I have to admit Tim is totally right. Did I just say that?!).
But the truth is, I am nervous about getting the crib. I've looked at cribs. I even think I know which one we'll buy...a Legacy lifetime crib, which has no moving parts, and converts to a toddler bed, then a full size bed). But I am afraid to have the nursery completely set up when we are still far away from a referral. Why?
I don't know which kind of "expecting" mom I am going to be.
Am I going to love going into a fully furnished nursery, dreaming of Isabella? Is it going to make the whole thing feel more "real"? Will I love showing the room to friends?
Or will passing by a completed nursery make me yearn for my baby even more than I already do? Is that even possible?
I've talked to friends, and most have enjoyed setting their nurseries up, even if they were months away from a referral. I just don't know about me, about us.
I figure March is the absolute latest we should order a crib, based on the highly unlikely (OK, completely ridiculous) idea of receiving a referral in May or June. So I have suggested to Tim that perhaps we should take a ride to Boston Baby this weekend, as they carry the Legacy line. Wow. BIG STEP.
Isabella's room is the smallest of our bedrooms...we will eventually move her into a bigger room (we are still trying to decide if and where to have a playroom...we could spruce up the finished part of our basement, but that would involve additional $$$ that we just don't have right now. Or we may relinquish the large guest room. It remains to be seen). So we will purchase a crib, a dresser that can be used as a changing table, and a rocker for the nursery. Fortunately that bedroom also has two closets, and some built-in bookshelves.
I KNOW the adoption is real, I KNOW we will eventually bring home a baby...Tim and I will be parents. But there is a real part of me that won't FEEL it is real until she is in my arms. I am terrified of the possibility of going through another holiday season without her. I KNOW I will have to bear it if that happens, but right now I cannot bear the thought of it.
And all of this manifests itself in crib fear.
A nursery lamp. A crib mirror. Wall decorations. I even have curtains hung. And a doorknob sign that says "Bella's Room".
But no nursery furniture.
Friends who are at about the same waiting stage as us have had furniture for months, or have at least ordered it. We have had the nursery painted for a few months (it took two attempts on the trim...the first color we chose looked horrible if we turned a light on).
So why haven't we gotten furniture? Is it because as long as we have no furniture, I can put off dealing with my boxes o' junk that are still in Isabella's room? Well, Tim probably thinks so (the boxes o' junk are a long standing bone of contention, and sadly, I have to admit Tim is totally right. Did I just say that?!).
But the truth is, I am nervous about getting the crib. I've looked at cribs. I even think I know which one we'll buy...a Legacy lifetime crib, which has no moving parts, and converts to a toddler bed, then a full size bed). But I am afraid to have the nursery completely set up when we are still far away from a referral. Why?
I don't know which kind of "expecting" mom I am going to be.
Am I going to love going into a fully furnished nursery, dreaming of Isabella? Is it going to make the whole thing feel more "real"? Will I love showing the room to friends?
Or will passing by a completed nursery make me yearn for my baby even more than I already do? Is that even possible?
I've talked to friends, and most have enjoyed setting their nurseries up, even if they were months away from a referral. I just don't know about me, about us.
I figure March is the absolute latest we should order a crib, based on the highly unlikely (OK, completely ridiculous) idea of receiving a referral in May or June. So I have suggested to Tim that perhaps we should take a ride to Boston Baby this weekend, as they carry the Legacy line. Wow. BIG STEP.
Isabella's room is the smallest of our bedrooms...we will eventually move her into a bigger room (we are still trying to decide if and where to have a playroom...we could spruce up the finished part of our basement, but that would involve additional $$$ that we just don't have right now. Or we may relinquish the large guest room. It remains to be seen). So we will purchase a crib, a dresser that can be used as a changing table, and a rocker for the nursery. Fortunately that bedroom also has two closets, and some built-in bookshelves.
I KNOW the adoption is real, I KNOW we will eventually bring home a baby...Tim and I will be parents. But there is a real part of me that won't FEEL it is real until she is in my arms. I am terrified of the possibility of going through another holiday season without her. I KNOW I will have to bear it if that happens, but right now I cannot bear the thought of it.
And all of this manifests itself in crib fear.
posted by Redheaded Chick at 2:02 PM
1 Comments:
Too funny, I just posted over on Ladybug Diary about how we still don't have a crib or crib bedding etc. etc. for "She who is adored" and we are hopefully bringing her home next month!
So learn from my foolhardyness (sp) and get out and buy, buy, buy cribs, highchairs, baby gates, strollers get the lot and save yourself the drama right before flying to China.
p.s Don't anyone breath a word about our lack of crib etc. to the CCAA they will sooo not be pleased and Lord only knows what kind of a rumpus SWIA is going to kick up when she finds out what slackers her parents are.
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