Tim with his two true loves...Buca and the couch!

Indie gets a much needed haircut

With a little help from my friends...

I want to thank all of you who sent sweet notes after my "Sweet and Sour Moments" post. Those notes definitely totally sweet. I know so many of you are exactly where I am at, and many of you have been waiting even longer. I guess what it comes down to is that some days are better than others. I appreciate all the support though, and I am looking forward to celebrating with you when our moment finally arrives.

Tim tells me that my post nearly made him cry, at work, in his office. Funny how a lot of communication between a couple takes place through a blog. I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

On an upbeat note, this past weekend was a very active one.

Tim and I have recently discovered a new website called ExerciseFriends. You can post a profile, and what activities you are interested in, then meet up with others in your area. I met up with a woman this weekend for a short hike in the Blue Hills Reservation. It was great as two of my many goals for this summer are 1.) to get in better shape and 2.) to make more friends and spend more time with those I do have. Tim met up to play tennis with a woman he met through Craig's List. Again, the Internet is an amazing thing.

Saturday we went to the gym, took the mutts to the dog park, and saw Willie Nelson and the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band in concert. I noticed a big difference in Willie from when I last saw him in 1999, but he still knocks my socks off. The man is over 70 years old! He must have tossed at least 10 baseball caps, bandanas, or cowboy hats into the audience. He played for two hours solid! Tim really enjoyed it, and I am glad I had a chance to share a Willie experience with Tim.

Sunday, Tim played tennis in the morning. At about 2:00 or so, Carla, i.e., "The Slave Driver", came over. This means gardening. Tim and I had already spent an hour or so ripping out some of the landscaping in the front of our house. I intended to just prune it a bit, but then got wild. Then Carla, who has also been dubbed "The Destroyer of the Murphys", comes over and we work on the two beds lining on front walk way. This involved pulling up even more hostas, which the previous owner of our house was apparently a huge fan of. Then we had to edge the beds. Off to Home Depot to buy more tools (Tim destroyed some trying to remove a tree stump), 8 more bags of mulch, 4 bags of soil, two whiskey barrels, edging, and some more plants. We put the new edging in, and planted one bed. To do that, we pulled up all the day lilies on the side of the house, and used some of those in the front. We planted the two whiskey barrels, placing one at the foot of each bed. Then we mulched the bed...now onto the other side. Seven hours and two sunburns later, we go out to eat with Carla. Then we deliver all our pulled up hostas to a friend of Carla's, where they will be replanted. Finally, we sent her packing! BTW, of course, Carla, the one whose last name is not Murphy, who has not a drop of Irish blood in her, does not sunburn.

Monday, Tim bagged on the planned hike, basically because he could not move. I met up with my new "exercise friend", and really enjoyed the hike. The feeling lasted until later in the afternoon, when my thighs started screaming at me.

This afternoon the dogs began barking like crazy. I look out the window, and what do I see? Our neighbor's German short haired pointer,digging up one of the new beds.

Sweet and Sour Moments

By now, most of you have heard the bad news...Referrals for this month will include referrals for families with log in dates between June 7th and June 15th.

At this point, we have resolved ourselves to another childless Christmas. Up until yesterday, we had hope we might have our referral by Christmas, but that seems rather unlikely now. I guess we will be buying a "Waiting for Isabella 2006" Christmas ornament to go along with our 2005 ornament.

This whole adoption has started to feel pretty surreal. I've pretty much stopped buying clothes for Isabella, because it seems ridiculous to do so. I am still doing my secret pal, bib, sock, and book swaps, but I feel a bit like a fraud in baby stores. I've even gotten to the point of paranoia...Are people laughing at me behind my back...me, the silly woman who thinks she's going to be a momma to a baby from China?

I don't even know what I want from my friends that are already parents.

Do I want to listen to lots of stories about how wonderful it is to be a parent, and how their darling little one has done xyz recently? If I am being honest, not really on some days, like those when I have a hard time seeing past my own pain.

On the other hand, do I want to be THAT person? You know THAT person...She's the person everyone has to tiptoe around, and feel as though they are walking on eggshells with because sh'e got some kind of PROBLEM. No, I REALLY don't want to be THAT person, either.

So, my dear friends...Here's the thing. I am very happy that you have found and realized your paths to parenthood. And if your little one has been born, I am really, truly interested in how he or she is doing,in seeing the pictures, and in hearing about the milestones. I just can't muster up my enthusiasm sometimes, because I am worn down by my own path. But I do realize that being a parent is the most amazing role you've ever had.

I realize this more than you know, because it's the role that I have most wanted in my life. So bear with me and Tim if we have a bit of trouble sometime...It's not that we don't love and care for you and your dear ones. It's not that we are not excited to hear about new pregnancies. We do and we are.

These moments are just bittersweet for us. Tim is a brilliant, amazing man, and he has come up with a wonderful, perfect term: "sweet and sour moments". We are both very happy for our friends that are new parents or pregnant, and very sad for ourselves. The only difference between Tim and I is that he carries his heartache inside him, with only an occasional twitch of his jaw and an occasional "I'm ready for our daughter" type comment to me. I announce my heartache on the Internet. Because this adoption has turned out to be a much longer process than we could have guessed. Because waiting is even harder than we thought it would be. Because we are waiting to take on the most amazing roles of our lives and we are getting very tired of hanging around, waiting in the wings, eating our sweet and sour chicken.

The Triumph of Taylor

So guess who was bawling her eyes out last night about 10pm EST along wth David Hasselhoff? Yep, me. He won, he won, he won!!! Of course, you already know that unless you live in a cave. But it's definitely worth repeating. When I saw that man audition, I knew he had it, and I told Tim that night "That guy is going to win". Oh, happy day!!!



Last night's show was hugely entertaining...even though I was sitting there with my guts in a knot waiting for the results. Dionne Warwick!!! Mary J Blige!!! Meatloaf!!! Toni Braxton!!! Clay Aiken!!! PRINCE!!! Fricken' Unbelievable!!!

My one complaint is Toni Braxton taking Taylor's hand and rubbing it all over her during "In the Ghetto". Hello??? You are singin a song about a young man dying in a ghetto!!! Sexual touching not needed. Tim rationalizes that perhaps this is the only way to stay warm in the ghetto. Whatever. Get your mitts off my man, tramp.

Dionne Warwick looked amazingly classy, and it was a real joy to see her perform. Mary J Blige was amazing, and it was great to Elliot up there with her! And oh my god, the look at that dorky kid's little face when Clay Aiken walked out was priceless...probably the greatest moment of the night next to Taylor winning, of course. Prince...God, talk about an 80s flashback...the man can still slink around like no one's business.

Then there were the touching moments...Elliot's beaming mom, and of course, Brokenote Mountain. That little cowboy dud kills me.

I also really enjoyed the medleys, especially since I got a chance to see Mandisa and Bucky perform again. I thought they both sounded terrific. Bucky's got a great, smoky voice and sounded fantastic in the medley.

Now that Taylor has won, my efforts are now going to be directed at getting Tim to take me to see the American Idols on tour this summer for my birthday.

I saw Taylor interviewed by the Boston Fox affliate minutes after winning and he said "I'm flabbergasted...all I can say is thnak you and God Bless". So thank you my fellow Soul Patrollers, and everyone who voted to make Taylor's American Dream come true. What a night.

Holding my breath...

for Taylor to win American Idol!!! I am optimistic, but a little scared too. Tim and I have sworn to never watch AI again if the McPheester wins.

A personal plea

OK, so my regular readers know that I have been shamelessly wrapped up in this season of American Idol. And it all comes down to this week...the final performances of Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee. Yes, I know the show borders on the ridiculous sometimes. Yes, I know the voting system is ludicrous. But, if you've been watching, and want Taylor to win, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote even if you have never voted before.

I simply love this guy. First, I think I would love to have him as a friend. He's funny and sweet. He looks like a real person. He has goldfish. A crappy apartment.
He's almost 30 years old, with gray hair, and he took his shot. And so many of us adore him for it.



I have never been as excited about another contestant as I am about him. Yes, he definitely has some wackiness going on. But you know what? When he tilts his head to his left side and gives us his goofy grin, I feel happier. And when he sings in his gravelly, soulful voice, I BELIEVE him. It's all about the music for him, and in the end, that's what this should be about.

And you think you have bad hair days...

Yes, Indie will be making a much needed trip to the groomer's this week!!!

Happy Six Month LID Anniversary to Us

Yes, it's been six months. Yes, if CCAA's timeline hadn't changed, we would have gotten a referral at the end of the month. But it did, and we won't, so we've got to deal.

How can time pass so quickly and so slowly at the same time?

If you've got 6 minutes....

Watch this video! I guarantee you will laugh!

Being a waiting mom on Mother's Day

So, I thought this past Mother's Day would be hard. Really hard. I remember last year, when Tim and I celebrated what we said would be our last childless Mom and Dad's Day. Yes, having two little mutts is wonderful, but until Dog Parent days become commonplace, it's not quite the same thing.

But the day was not nearly as horribly painful as I imagined it would be. I had a hard time sleeping the night before, and went back to bed about 6:00am and then slept until about 10:00 am, when Tim woke me. Yes, it was raining, again. Yes, the empty nursery was still there. But Tim had made me French Toast for breakfast, and there was a card from him "The future momma of my daughter". And a big chocolate bar, along with a promise that there is another gift to come. Tim is almost always late with gifts, so I knew the probability that he would have ordered an actual gift in time to give it to me on Mother's Day was low. However, what he lacks in punctuality, he usually makes up for in creativity. So I am excited. And waiting. Seems to be a theme in my life! But I felt OK...I felt, for the moment, like motherhood is going to happen for me, just not on my schedule. And I felt pretty damn confident that, next year, my daughter will be sitting in my lap on Mother's Day.

A couple of other nice things happened over the weekend. Friday night, I went out with three other waiting moms. They were all logged in in September, and so will be going to China before me. Yes, I could hate them...but I don't. They are all different from each other, and different from me, but I felt a real sense of connection. I felt like, even if we weren't all adopting from China, I'd still love talking with, laughing with these ladies. Even though they did not seem to understand that one of my TV crushes is Andy Sipowicz from NYPD Blue. Of course, this wasn't the first time someone has failed to get that. The night reminded me of how much I love "girls' nights out", as long as it's with the right girls. These were the right girls.

On Saturday morning, as Tim and I were preparing to go to the gym, we received a large package from his Aunt Vicky and Uncle Nick, who live in North Dakota. Inside was a pink "Hello Kitty" backpack suitcase with a handle for Isabella. It was a wonderful surprise. Later, when we called them to say thanks, they informed us that there was more...inside there were clothes for Isabella...some 12 months, some larger. Just perfect. And that made me feel like she was real, out there waiting to wheel around that pink suitcase someday soon.

At the gym, one of the staff members, Jim, came over to tell me I was looking good...that it looked like I had lost some weight. Of course, I haven't and he's probably lying, keeping the female gym members motivated with his cute little smile and "oh, I'll just lightly touch you on the arm" thing, but damn it, I am taking it.

And finally, to keep it real:
On Saturday, after coming back from the gym, I was in one of my "How Can I Make Our Home Nicer?" moods. This involves me trying to move around furniture, or getting Tim to move around furniture, me feeling frustrated and dis-satisified for no good reason. And finally, me having a teary episode, for again, no good reason. Aware that I am borderline psychotic, I ask Tim,

"Why do you love me?"

And he replies,

"Because I've been cursed by God".

What you find on the net when you're an insominiac

I've been up since about 2:30 am. This is not uncommon, sadly. But it does give me a chance to catch up on blogs people have recommended to me. I've stumbled upon some bloggers that are women in academia. Thus, a new section of links is born on the right sidebar..."It's Academic". When I am bitc...um, complaining, about university life, Tim often tells me I should start a blog about being a young female tenure track economist. Mmmm. I am thinking...snoozefest. And let's face it, there's only so many hours in the week I can devote to blogging, and isn't my Taylor Hicks/American Idol blog more important? Me thinks so.

So, my nerdy little Ph.D. friends out there can entertain yourselves with "It's Academic".

Romanian Orphans

A very disturbing article in today's NYT.

For now, a different kind of car seat...

Random News

Today was my last day of teaching classes. SO SO HAPPY!!! By the end of the semester, the professors are cranky and tired, the students are cranky and tired, and everyone just wants it to be over. I've got two days of presentations for the student interns I supervise, and then finals to give on the 18th and 19th. Lots of stuff to grade for sure, but I am in the home stretch, and so looking forward to summer. I am hoping for an ultra-productive summer in terms of my research agenda, but I am also hoping to finally get to doing some fun things I've had to put off...like finding a place for fencing that's close to me, novels I've wanted to read, visits to friends, etc.

Speaking of my job, I've received some good news recently. I passed my 4th year review, which is a kind of "mini-tenure" review. It started in September...the departmental personnel committee, the college personnel committee, the Dean, and the Provost all review my files for progress in three areas: research, teaching, and service. I knew the process was going OK, but I got the final word from the Provost last week. I have a lot to do to secure tenure (my tenure decision year is in 2-3 years), but it's nice to have one hurdle behind me. So yay me!

Last week what I thought was random patches of poison ivy got worse. My arm was very swollen, and I was very uncomfortable, so off to my primary care doc I went on Thursday. Apparently I had some kind of allergic contact dermatatis, and I am happy to report that after use of a topical steroid cream, it seems to be retreating.
I feel a little less disgusting...

We have made some progress on our tiny, but overgrown back yard. That's because my dear friend Carla, otherwise known as THE SLAVE DRIVER, came over on Saturday afternoon. Tim and I thought she was just going to go with us to some nurseries to get ideas. But oh no...we ended up with some actual plants. Go figure. Then we got back to our house, at which point Tim thought he was going to get to take a nap. But not on Carla's watch. We ended up pulling up hostras, and lots of random overgrown God knows what. I pulled up an enormous root, which came along with what looked like a decaying human finger, but Tim thinks was a decaying caterpillar. Much less interesting. We found a few Matchbox cars buried in our yard. We planted herbs and tomatoes, phlox, and johnny jump ups, adding that onto the numerous perennials that were already there. Then Carla decides we should mulch...off to Home Depot for 8 bags of mulch and oh, some begonias. We planted some more, mulched, and cleaned up all the brush. And finally, our gardening day was over at 9pm. Next on the list is edging our front walkway path on both sides, mulching the beds on both sides, and oh yeah, cutting down most of our hedges and some tree branches in the front of the house.

God help us if Carla comes back over anytime soon.

The women of the house are waiting for Isabella!

Indie and I, waiting for Isabella to join us in torturing Tim & Buca...

This picture was taken in the Sharon, Massachusetts dog park, which is a great place with wonderful dogs and responsible owners.

Rainy days and Wednesdays are getting me down

So, the weather here in the Boston area over the past few days has been simply awful. Rainy, cold, and raw. Since all I can think about is scratching at my poison ivy pox, and there is no sun or warmth in sight to comfort me, I have decided that this Wednesday officially sucks.

I am at work, but not really at work. Do a little work, check blogs, do some more work, think about how itchy my arms are. Oops, time for coffee...you get the idea. And I have to sit through a seminar soon, during which I will try to perfect my sleeping with my eyes open technique.

So, I decided that I will be updating my blog with a new feature called "Tammy's Recommended Reads". Why? Well, both Tim and I read a lot ... one of the many reasons we make a good pair. He tends to read mostly fantasy, science fiction stuff, which all seems the same to me. And doesn't sell on ebay very well either, I might add. I'll read almost anything...fiction, science, politics, biography, etc.
I often get asked to recommend books. This is hard to do, since everyone's tastes are different and even though you may know someone well, you don't always know their reading style well. I've been missing my book club in DC, but I've been too lazy to get one going here in Boston. One of my numerous goals for the summer is to either join a club or create my own. But for now, I will simply post the titles of books I've liked here on the sidebar to your right...Tammy's Recommended Reads. It's no where near complete, but I will add to it as things occur to me. Read at your own risk!!! And if you are near Boston, and want to join a book club, let me know!

A story on adoption in MA

Click here for a story from Boston.com, the website of the Boston Globe. Our agency director, Lillian, is quoted in the article.

Itchy and Scratchy

I have posion ivy. Since I have been shirking all yard related work due to

1.) my allergies,
2.) it being the end of the semester, otherwise known as hell time for professors and students, and
3.) Tim extending his bossy, anal-retentive supreme reign from the kitchen to the garden,

I can only conclude that I got it from the fur of one of our beasts. Fortunately, it's most just on my upper right arm, with a few splotches on the other arm and my back.

My lovely husband is now alternating between calling me "Ivy" and "Leprosy Girl".