DTC AT LAST...one of the happiest days ever!

Today we received a letter from our adoption agency stating that we are DTC!!! On Halloween!!! This means that our dossier has been certified, authenticated, translated and sent to China! We are officially "paperwork pregnant" or "a waiting family". Wow!!! It feels so good to say that!!! We have been told to expect a referral in May or June. See us smiling in a picture we took of ourselves!

Now, you might be able to see that my hair is wet. This is because I got out of a meeting this afternoon, and walked directly to my car in the University parking garage. I had a flat!!! I was pretty sure I could change it myself, but I opened my cell phone to call Tim and let him know I'd be running late. And there was a message waiting for me from him to say "we are dtc!!!". I didn't even care about the flat after that...I changed it, and charged off home with my dirty, dirty hands! Let's just say a shower was necessary. After showering, we took this picture and then opened the champagne...

This is Tim toasting Bella...


I kept saying "We have a baby coming...we have a baby coming". I finally got to give Tim a gift I've had for him since we were living in Alexandria, VA...a "Father and Daughter" Willow Tree angel figurine. I already know she will be a Daddy's girl, and I can't say I blame her...he is pretty special!!!

Why I love my brother in law

A few days ago, I sent pictures of LaSalette and John's daughter Emma and their Gotcha Day moments to my husband's family. This was the email response from my brother in law Todd:

Thanks for the pics.

They look very, very happy.

Adoption is wonderful.

In my opinion, adoption should always
be seriously considered if you want children.

There are so many children in this world that don't have parents.

Your old boy T.

This is why I love Todd and want him to come to China with us if he can!

Scary incident

So, we have a pit bull that lives across the street. No big deal...I happen to think pit bulls can be OK dogs. Funny thing is her name is Bella. Well, today about 3pm I went out for a walk with Indie and Buca. I saw Bella down the street, but the little boy that lives in Bella's house was with her, so I figure she's leashed. Then I see Bella running up the street towards our little guys and realized she's not leashed. I didn't try to run, thinking that would make things worse.

Indie was closer, and Bella was headed towards her. Bella reached Indie, and was on her, but I managed to pick Indie up pretty quickly. The little kid started running up the street. Then Bella gets on Buca, who immediately submitted. I don't think Bella was actually trying to hurt Buca, but Bella is rough and Buca is crying on his back, with Bella on top of him, mouthing him. I scream and yell "Bella, get off, get off". I am trying to pick Buca up (while holding Indie and untangling Buca's leash from underneath Bella) and the little kid is trying to get Bella off. Finally, Bella's owner (the little kid's mom) comes out, starts yelling at Bella, and smacks her on her bottom...she finally got off Buca. The little kid was very upset, and kept asking if Buca was OK. He's a nice little boy...maybe 9 or 10. Some electricians were working in the house next to us, and they came out and inquired about the dogs. They seemed pretty angry and weren't surprised that a pit bull was unleashed and had gone after our dogs.

I headed in with both dogs, cleaned them up, and checked them. They were unharmed, but shook up. I called Tim...he was furious. He called animal control, and they asked for me to call them. They are familar with Bella, since her owners have a habit of tying her up in their yard for long periods of time. I guess they will be issued a citation for having an unleashed dog.

It's awkward. We are new in the neighborhood, and I think these folks are basically OK people. And I know it can be hard to get your dog to behave even if they have been trained...my guys still jump on people when they walk in the door or first meet them on the street. This is why we contain them when we have new people over, and leash them when they are outside, even though they are all of 12 and 25 pounds.

Later, the little boy and mom came over to apologize. I really don't think Bella's a bad dog, but she's an incredibly strong dog and could really hurt someone without knowing it. The whole thing was scary in that I realized how quickly Indie or Buca could be really hurt. Also, I want to make sure that OUR BELLA will always be safe if I take her outside. I felt very powerless as I struggled to get Buca from underneath Bella the pit bull.

Tim is very angry...if he sees Bella's owners, he plans on telling them that he called the animal control people, and that if our dogs are ever hurt by Bella he plans on filing in civil court and asking for the dog to be destroyed.

Ugh. I am still trying to sit with all of this.

A family.

OK, get out the tissues!!! I just received some pictures from LaSalette and John, as they are in China, two days after having Emma placed in their arms.

Check it out:







Amazing, isn't it!? I know giving biological birth to a child is its own special kind of miracle. But when you are a waiting family, seeing this happen is like...well...amazing, inspiring, WOW!!! We know how LaSalette and John have waited and prayed to be a family of three and now you can see that they most definitely are! What a beautiful child!!!

Life is good here in Massachusetts today, even if the weather isn't!!!

Love to the Kershaws!!!

LaSalette and John have Emma!!!

Tim and I got a call today from our friends Cheryl and Bruce, the next door neighbors of LaSalette and John...LaSalette and John got Emma today and the word is she's doing wonderfully! Wow!!! So cool.

Apparently she was very curious about John's beard!

Back here at home, Tim is getting very antsy to be DTC. I hate to say it, but we've got about 3 weeks to go (CAWLI said 3-4 weeks for translation, cerftification and authentication of our dossier, and only 1 week has passed)). Yikes! I am really hoping we get logged in before the November cut-off date, but probably not. So, we could get a referral as late as June/July, with travel in August/September.

LaSalette and John have Emma, and Cheryl and Bruce will have Mya in March or April...I am so hoping to have a good chunk of the summer with Isabella. But you knew that already, didn't you?

God Bless all of those paperchasin' and waitin' families out there!!!
And God Bless Emma Kershaw!!! We can't wait to meet you at your welcome home celebration!!!!

John and LaSalette are off to bring home Emma!

These are our friends John and LaSalette. Tomorrow they leave for China to bring home their daughter Emma, the beautiful girl I told you about a few posts ago!!!

How wonderful for them!!!

Whew...

What a week!!! Very busy. Monday I spent about 2 hours of my day dealing with a student who even my departmental chairperson described as "offensive and weird". Gosh...I had to kick the guy out of my office and tell him I was not discussing the matter at hand (me refusing to accept his late assignment) anymore. I told him to go complain to my chair...he gets paid more than I do! What really infuriated me is that the guy started calling me by my first name while he was arguing with me. I guess he thinks he can because he's older than me, and a man. Normally, I really don't care what students call me, but this drove me nuts. I told him he could call me Ms. Murphy, Professor Murphy, or Dr. Murphy, but not "Tammy". Jeesh.

Tomorrow I am off to Amerst, MA for two days for a conference on water resources research...I am presenting some work on modeling the optimal treatment plan for cryptosporidium (a microbial pathogen found in water that can make an average person spend WAY too much time in the bathroom and can kill an immuno-compromised person). Yuck. But I love Western MA...looking forward to connecting with a few friends and simply taking in the magic of that area.

Tonight, I relax with Tim after working frantically all last night. We are watching Season 4 of Six Feet Under. I love David. Tim points out to me that he is a gay man. I don't want to have sex with David...I just love the kind, gentle person he is! So far the only male TV character Tim has fallen in love with is Mr. Big from Sex and the City. That makes two of us!!!

When I have some more time, I will write about the Chinese Culture Workshop Tim and I attended on Saturday...

Outfits for dressy Bella...

I bought this dress. Yes, I love purple!!!

Andy and Nicole bought this for Bella after seeing the results of Tim's shopping!

An outfit for casual Bella...

Some pictures of the new house...

So, we had to take pictures of the house to update our dossier. Unfortunately, the pictures Tim took of our living room did not come out well at all. Here are some OK shots...

The front view:


Our very overgrown, very small backyard:


The dining room:


Some kitchen shots:






The cabinet above has a nice story...the couple we bought the home from had lived here for 50 years. This cabinet was made by the woman's father as a wedding gift!

This is an OLD house...but we love it!

The Inside of Bella's Closet

Yes, I am an artist! I impulsively painted Bella's name on the inside on her closet:

Life at Home...

Here's a picture of Tim and Buca in their favorite positions:



Buca gives me his scary look. Tim and Buca DO NOT like it when I block the TV!



And a really cute one of Buca and Indie looking out the window at me:


Just hanging out, taking a nap:


Hmmm. Maybe once we have Bella my sister in law Tina will stop teasing us about taking so many pictures of the dogs!

Finally...the clouds lift!

At least the ones over my head! My agency, CAWLI, just emailed and said that they have received the USCIS/INS approval! It should be in our mailbox today. They will begin authenticating our dossier today!!!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!

Now I am too excited to write anything more!!!

Another dreary day...

It has been cloudy and gloomy here for like a week now. Blah! And NO USCIS/INS approval. Ok, so downtown Boston is like 8 miles max from our home. If we were in fact approved on 9/30, how it is possible that the form could take almost two weeks to get to our house?! I am at my wit's end. I contacted my agency AGAIN today, and am waiting to hear back. We have been waiting for this form for nearly 4 months and that is counting from our fingerprinting date.

I am going to sign off now because I am feeling just too negative to even write anything.

One more thing...

I forgot to tell you about another activity of the weekend...on Monday, Tim and I went to get massages.

As those near and dear to me know, I have some serious back issues and Tim has had to take me to the ER a few times in the middle of the night. Well, I started getting massages regularly and that seems to have helped. But since we moved at the end of August, I haven't been both because of $$$ and because I've been lazy about finding a new place. Old Town Massage in Alexandria, VA rocks...www.oldtownmassagecenter.com

So, after two days of painting, Tim and I both had appts. at 10am yesterday. My massage therapist looks at my back, neck and shoulders and says "Wow, you're a mess. You need a lot of work".

Way to flatter me...
She spent the whole hour on just my back, neck and shoulders and never got to the rest of me.

I told her that my husband stresses me out.

Hee hee. Just kidding, honey.

An update

So I am a bit calmer now. The agency left a message stating that the Boston USCIS/INS office told them our INS approval should be arriving in the mail "anyday now". Of course, it didn't arrive today! What did arrive was a whole bunch of mail for our neighbors Millard and Cathy next door! So now I am paranoid that our approval has been delivered elsewhere ... ugh.

OK, Tammy, contain paranoid thoughts! Anyway, the agency said that if it did not arrive by Thursday to call. You bet I will. I am really hoping we can be DTC without updating our physicals but Tim and I are contacting our doctors and preparing for the possibility of having to update.

Speculation...
1. Best Case: a log in date in China before Nov. 16th or so...referral in May or June, travel in July or August.
2. Other Case: a log in date in China before Dec. 16th or so...referral in June or July, travel in August or September.
3. Worst Case: too infuriating to speculate on.

The uncertainty about this adoption and the delays have made me feel silly and angry. I feel silly because I spend so much of my time thinking about a child that won't be placed in our arms for nearly a year! I sometimes think that this whole adoption journey is something I've just imagined in my head. I've seen people that started their homestudies after us become DTC. I've seen friends become pregnant that will have their child before we even get a referral for Bella. It's very strange.

And I am angry at times...angry that the process has been so slow for us despite my attempts to make it a priority and stay on top of everything. Angry because we have a lot of love to give and I do think we deserve to have the blessing of parenthood.
I'm angry when people tell me to "keep my chin up" or "don't stress", especially when they have finished building their families. I'm angry that all of this makes me feel silly and angry...that it has such power over me and I have no power over it.

OK, so now I sound weird. Just keep in mine that our social worker and 3 references all bascially said something that boils down to "Tim is calm, reserved,and even-tempered. Tammy is not".

Mmmm. Maybe I should report on other things besides my emotions. This weekend Tim and I repainted the trim in Bella's nursery. It looks much better...we went with a warm white that Benjamin Moore calls "Swiss Coffee". I am much happier and so is Tim. Ugly pink tint, be gone!!! As I was touching up the inside of the closet, I felt compelled to write "Bella Murphy" in paint on the back wall. Tim thought it was wacky, but that's nothing for me...I am capable of much wackier things! We also started spackling the room that is currently Tim's office. And we bought a new vacuum since I think our old one deposited more dust on the floor when we turned it on than it picked up. We also bought a shop vac. Oh what exciting lives we lead!!!

Another hold up?

Well, the weekend has come and gone, and there was no INS approval in the mailbox. I emailed our agency on Thursday and had no response. I had a colossal cry Friday night. I feel so angry...this just should not be this hard. It feels like we are in the same place we were in May.

Today Tim and I both called the agency. Eventually I talked with Melanie, who is the documents guru at CAWLI. The agency has not received our approval yet either. She said she had to call the INS today about some other families, so she will also ask about us.

The problem is that our physical exam reports are about to turn 6 months old. If we get the approval this week, we will be OK. But if not, we will have to redo our physicals before we can become DTC.

DTC is starting to feel like some mystical place we'll never get to.

Can it really be true?!

Ok, so I emailed our agency last night. I got back from my 8:30 class this morning and there was an email from our agency.

IT SAID OUR INS APPROVAL WAS PROCESSED ON FRIDAY!!!

The agency said we should have it in hand this week. Now our agency will authenticate our dossier, which takes 3-4 weeks. We should have a DTC date in late October or early November. My hope is that we should have a November log-in date prior to the usual cut-off date. I am keeping my fingers crossed! If all goes well, we should have our referral for Bella in late May or late June!!!

I cannot describe how happy and relieved Tim and I are!!!

No word from USCIS/INS yet...

Ok, so I am really not coping well. How is it that a family that was fingerprinted on 9/17 has received their approval already (last Tuesday, in fact) and we haven't? Tim reasonably pointed out that we didn't send in our homestudy update until 9/19, but STILL. Our fingerprints are there already. Grrr. I just wrote an email to CAWLI asking them to call the Boston USCIS office and check on the status of our case.

I KNOW in the end, it will all be worth it. I KNOW that once we bring home Isabella, memories of this painful wait will fade. But right now, I do feel like I am in actual physical pain. And people who know me know that I am not a physical pain "wimp".

My days go something like this:

1. Wake Up.

2. Shower. Think of Isabella.

3. Walk Indie and Buca. Think about how walking Indie and Buca will be interesting with a baby.

4. Teach. Notice all the young Asian women in my classes (Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Korean...I teach at the United Nations of universities, which makes my job interesting). Wonder what my daughter will look like.

5. Prepare 4th year review materials and/or do research. My mind wanders. Think of Isabella. Think about what it will be like to try to work while I'll want to be with Isabella. Think about what kind of mom I'll be, and pray that I'll always remember what's really important.

6. Dinner. Talk to Tim about our family's future. Talk about cribs. Talk about going to the park with her. Talk about finances. Tim talks about how she will become a professional athlete and support her parents.

7. Watch a DVD or TV program or work. Think about how soon (I hope) our evenings will be filled with bathtime and bedtime stories.

8. Try to get to sleep. Think about Isabella, and yeah, 4th year review.

9. Maybe sleep. Dream of a little Chinese girl.

Ugggh. Not good. I wonder if it's the same or different when you are expecting a biological child. Maybe both the same and different.

I am spolied. I am used to getting what I want if I work hard enough. This, not unlike my first marriage and divorce, is different. You have to wait for some process to unfold, for a road to make its path known to you. It was certainly worth it when it came to marriage ... I ended up marrying Tim, who makes sense in my life. He is just so easy to be with. And though he doesn't always say it, he sees the better part of me, whereas I tend to see the worst part of me. Like my lack of patience! So, I have faith it will be worth it again. Sometimes though, I wish the road would be shorter and less bumpy.

Emma-John & LaSalette's daughter

Those of you who are regular readers have read about John and LaSalette...a couple in Fall River, MA that will be leaving for China in a few short weeks to bring their daughter Emma WenXue Kershaw home. I thought you'd like to see her cute face!!! I love her hair ... she's got a little punk hairdo going on! We can't wait to meet her!!!